After what felt like a day of pushing water uphill - with a fork, I was rather pleasantly surprised to have a message from Kelly on my phone when I'd finished. She'd had a day of not feeling very great, and had asked if I was up for a kebab, and her coming round to see the flat.
She didn't need to ask me twice. As ever, always up for a chance to spend some time with a mate. We grabbed some kebabs (courtesy of the Marmaris - Cosham High St - seriously, if you live in Portsmouth, go there ! The chicken special is gorgeous) and headed back to mine for a drink or two (ok, I was the only one drinking, as she was driving). We hadn't caught up for ages, so it was nice to do that. Listen to what's going on in her life, and bore her with what's going on in mine.
We then decided to watch 'Twilight Eclipse'. It's now the second time I've watched the film. It's made more enjoyable having someone to watch it with, and to talk to, through the boring bits.
Somehow, we got onto the subject of 'companionship'. IE. Me finding someone to be with. It is not the first time that she has suggested signing me up for an online dating site. Like she quite rightly points out, 'what have you got to lose'. This may be the case, but still the fear of making a fool of myself, paralyses me to inaction. She advises me that it would be 'best' to decide to mark myself down as 'one thing or the other' - in regards to preferences. There may be a certain shallow, and brutal logic that women may not be too interested in men that are not purely interested in women. This thing about 'withholding' things. Is it lying, or is it spinning the best image ? Personally the nuances of anything to do with dating, or understanding let alone predicting or appreciating the attraction or motivations of either sex have always been somewhat of a mystery to me.
At what point are you just presenting your best side, putting your best foot forward, but a little bit more and you are being untruthful ? Where is that line, and is there a line at all ? I seem to have quite a black and white attitude to such things, and this doesn't, on reflection seemed to have served me that well. I'm not quite sure what I should take away from that. Is it that I should be less upfront, less honest, or is it that most people are just shallow and inflexible.
But then again, who am I to accuse anyone of being shallow or inflexible ?