Guess what ?

Another flipping flat tyre !!! Seriously. What ?

Interesting couple of days. Work has been quite far from easy. At some point the reality that we are not doing as well as we think we are, and that action needs to be taken to correct that. Some people are not, I think being honest with themselves about how good they are. Others are overlooking how good they are, which is a damn shame.

Air conditioning not working on Saturday, which was a swelteringly hot day anyway, without having to spend 5 hours inside a baking hot call centre. Normally this wouldn't have been something that really bothered me (apart from the discomfort, and the smell - only kidding - there wasn't a smell) if it hadn't been for the fact that I was meeting up with a nice young lady after work, and hadn't really wanted the first time she met me for me to be this scruffy, sweaty dishevelled bloke getting off the bus.

We met up, as planned, after I had stopped into Tesco to get some food. (Cooked chicken and some salad). Met her at the bus stop and walked her round to mine, so that she could meet the kittens. Yup, that's right, so pathetic am I that I used my kittens as part of my chat-up routine. (yeah right, anyone that knows me, would really find the idea that I even indulged in chatting people up, let a lone that I had some sort of routine to follow hilarious. Routine. No. Spreadsheet - maybe).

She is a very nice girl, and it's amazing that even in this day and age when you get to know all sorts of things about people from the internet, from looking at facebook (oh common, you'd have a peek, wouldn't you ?), and that you get to see various images of them before meeting them for real, that they still look different and aren't entirely how you imagined them.

My imagination could never have envisioned how gorgeous she is, nor could I have realised what sort of a person she is, or the things that she's been through. Makes me think perhaps I should shut the fuck up moaning about my life. Like the saying goes, there's always someone worse off than you.

How do these sort of things work ? I've never known how to interact with people at the best of times, let a lone beautiful women, who probably think 'god what a plonker'. I think the standard advise, is 'be yourself', be 'cool'. Cool ? I've never been cool. Bow Ties are more cool than I am. Fezzes are more cool than I am. I am most definitely a mad man with a box.

The situation that I wrote about the other week, between myself and my creative partner, Helen is not going away. I received a rather long email from her last night, which I have had to stop myself from responding to. I can say how I feel, but I don't feel that I can without hurting my friend. I am also feeling frustrated that we seem to have covered the same ground, again and again, and my point of view doesn't seem to be sinking in.  I feel at the moment, sadly that the very best we can hope for is that we can get this show produced and finished with without irrevocably damaging our friendship. I don't bare grudges, it actually takes a lot to really piss me off, but I can be belligerent and judgemental. I do like to know that I am right (but this only gives me any comfort whatsoever if I actually am right).

What's a guy to do ? I'd like an easy, relaxing hassle free part to my life, please. I guess that's not going to happen any time soon, now. Is it ?

Oh yes, did I not mention. Another flat flipping tyre, now repaired, I can only hope that it stays repaired.

Warm welcome...

After what felt like a day of pushing water uphill - with a fork, I was rather pleasantly surprised to have a message from Kelly on my phone when I'd finished. She'd had a day of not feeling very great, and had asked if I was up for a kebab, and her coming round to see the flat.

She didn't need to ask me twice. As ever, always up for a chance to spend some time with a mate. We grabbed some kebabs (courtesy of the Marmaris - Cosham High St - seriously, if you live in Portsmouth, go there ! The chicken special is gorgeous) and headed back to mine for a drink or two (ok, I was the only one drinking, as she was driving). We hadn't caught up for ages, so it was nice to do that. Listen to what's going on in her life, and bore her with what's going on in mine.

We then decided to watch 'Twilight Eclipse'. It's now the second time I've watched the film. It's made more enjoyable having someone to watch it with, and to talk to, through the boring bits.

Somehow, we got onto the subject of 'companionship'. IE. Me finding someone to be with. It is not the first time that she has suggested signing me up for an online dating site. Like she quite rightly points out, 'what have you got to lose'. This may be the case, but still the fear of making a fool of myself, paralyses me to inaction. She advises me that it would be 'best' to decide to mark myself down as 'one thing or the other' - in regards to preferences. There may be a certain shallow, and brutal logic that women may not be too interested in men that are not purely interested in women. This thing about 'withholding' things. Is it lying, or is it spinning the best image ? Personally the nuances of anything to do with dating, or understanding let alone predicting or appreciating the attraction or motivations of either sex have always been somewhat of a mystery to me.

At what point are you just presenting your best side, putting your best foot forward, but a little bit more and you are being untruthful ? Where is that line, and is there a line at all ? I seem to have quite a black and white attitude to such things, and this doesn't, on reflection seemed to have served me that well. I'm not quite sure what I should take away from that. Is it that I should be less upfront, less honest, or is it that most people are just shallow and inflexible.

But then again, who am I to accuse anyone of being shallow or inflexible ?