A little wandering does you good....

Sunday June 22nd. 2014. 20:35

Determined to make something of the summer sun, (now that it is officially summer) I have been out for a good ole walk today along to the top of the harbour, by Port Solent.

There I say, and ate some lunch, and read my kindle. Basking in the sunshine, and nearly dozing off like some old codger.

It's been a daughter free weekend, ever since we agreed that she would only see me once every other week I've been at a loss to make decent use of the extra me time that's given me. Me time is always something I've struggled to do something useful with. Normally, I'd either spend it in front of the Television, laptop or asleep.

The last time it happened, it was actually unplanned. My darling daughter decided that as I had pointed out to her that the following weekend was not only my birthday weekend but also Fathers' day that it wasn't worth coming up the weekend before. (Just too much effort I guess). I think the phrase she actually used to casually dismiss me by text message on the morning she was meant to come up was 'I want to come up, but... I'm coming up next week... so don't see why I should'. Made me feel great that one.

Don't worry Chloe, I want to get you an iphone for your birthday, but I don't see why I should.

Anyhow. That weekend, I'd commented on facebook about being stood up by my daughter and one of my friends Kat then got in contact and asked if I would join her and some other friends (people we both know from where I work) as they were going down Southsea. My usual crippling 'can't say yes to going out and enjoying yourself' reared its ugly head, but I made a point of stamping my feet and overriding the inner 'no' monster.

I went out with Kat, and Mark and Katie, and we also met up with another person we all know from work, Gabi. We had a great time, playing crazy golf (when I say playing.. I mean.. losing), and well, walking up and down the beach, enjoying the sunshine.. counting how many people form work we could spot. The others also went of fair ground rides. I stood and watched the bags, and read while they looked like they were enjoying themselves. I am sure that had I taken part as well they wouldn't have enjoyed quite so much me vomiting over them or losing control of other bodily functions.

Fairground rides are a no-go area for me. Dodgem cars are about my limit. We had a nice afternoon, and rounded the day off at Katie's flat, at which we stated till late evening.

I seem a bit old to be 'hanging out' with friends and going down the funfair, but I don't care. We all had a great time.

I have quietly skipped my birthday, which was last Friday. It was really good, went to the pub with some friends from work, and ended up at mine, after stopping to Tesco for some pizza. I seem to be a lot more social than I ever used to be before. I think I might actually crack this going out and having fun lark by the time I retire, or can't walk.

Still I hear these mobility scooters are really good these days.

Anyway. This weekend, I got up late on Saturday, which meant I broke my promise to go and help Lee move out of the room he was staying in. Thankfully he wasn't depending on only me to help him. Bad person that I am. Sucky friend.

I went for a nice walk yesterday into Hilsea Lines, and onto a park at the back of Anchorage Park. There I sat for a couple of hours, taking in the rays of the sun, and... well reading and having something to eat.

In the evening I was doing some overtime, manning the lines to help inform people that have a powercut. Six hours that doesn't really feel like work, because it's so different from what I normally do.

Then today, I shamefully got up around ten thirty.. and bummed around before deciding enough was enough. After putting out a first run of washing, putting the next lot in the machine, I grabbed my bag and headed off into the sun. Coming home about seven o'clock means I'm sitting here after vacuuming the flat, and washing the kitchen and ensuite floors in my camping chair enjoying a wind-down ice cold vodka.

Hardly rock and roll, but it's still better than sitting indoors all frigging weekend watching TV or playing Second Life, or endlessly looking for something interesting to read on either Facebook, BBC News, The Independant or The Guardian. (At least you can see I get my non newsworthy non-facts from a variety of sources).

Something...... NOTHING

Wednesday June 4th. 23:56.

Just over a week until my birthday, and the world is not really seeming to recognise the fact in any way shape or form. There's no celebration or comment planned. No big event upon which a succession of world leaders will find themselves forced to make increasingly implausible statements.

Who am I kidding ? World leaders ? It's not like I died or something.

Not yet anyway, you never know I guess.

After all, that is the other side to the congratulations you receive from people,  'Happy Birthday !!' they say. Well, the alternative to me getting another year older is that I stop breathing and die, so if you don't mind, I wasn't hanging out for your congratulations. I was just trying not to be dead yet.

Here's the thing. Since my last entry I have done a grand total of zero writing, editing or indeed creating of any medium. (if you exclude this blog entry of course). The most exciting thing I've done all week has been to write about thirteen letters to customers at work, and play a little with the spreadsheet the team uses to look at their performance.

I made colourful graphs.

You've heard of death by powerpoint ? Well, this is crucifixion by excel.

It would seem that my daughter having cunningly miscalculated the timing of both my birthday and Father's day may not even be seeing me that weekend. I have to say that I struggle to adapt to this change in the frequency of our visits. As much as it may appear to be a gift that I get a whole other day each weekend to do things as I please, I'm not really happy with the price I am paying, or enjoying them that much.

More (free) time does not actually translate into more pleasure. It is not exactly as if I am doing something useful with that extra time. Normally just fucking around on facebook, or wasting time on Secondlife.

Not that it's been a really concious decision lately, but I have found that I'm not tempted to descend into the pixelated fantasy during the week. I'm usually just so frigging tired and worn out from the day at work that the last thing I want to do is switch on a computer or to read something where I'm having to do some thing.

I am quite happy to turn on the idiot box, and to sit there with my brain dribbling out my ear holes. Too many reasons not to do anything, too many distractions. Too easy to find something else I can do.

Work at the moment is, I would say, something that I tolerate. It isn't something I feel really great about, or good with. It's just something I have to do to get money to afford to live. There's a clock ticking at the back of my head that tells me it is only a matter of time before I hate it, and resent it. I feel like it's killing my soul, getting in the way of my life and sapping me of any energy to enjoy things. It's not part of the solution, it is the fucking problem.

I would suspect in that respect I am not in any way shape or form alone. There's always someone worse of than you are. I have plenty to be thankful for. I have my health, it's not as if I am struggling to make ends meet.

In other 'news', the supposed release of a new iPhone on June 2nd was a washout. There was a multitude of announcements from Apple on their WWDC (Worldwide Developer's Conference), about system enhancements and updates to software, but nothing as exciting as a new device for the Apple fans to get frothing at the mouth over.

Funday Sunday

Sunday May 18th 22:00.

After a lazy, sit at computer, slouch half watching television kind of Saturday, today I've had a much more enjoyable day.

Despite the lingering fear and resentment about having to go to work tomorrow. It's been a great day.

I went to Steve's to do some filming for 'The Adventures of Stephen Brown'. It's the first time in about a month or two that I've been in any filming. Although I always nearly talk myself out of going, or get wound up about leaving the flat, I feel that it's worth while. I get to act again, and to spend some time with people.

After the filming was done, I played my quarter final match in the Beacon Pool tournament. This is the first time I have every gotten this far in the competition. I enter for fun every year, not expecting to do very well at all. Mostly I am not surprised or disappointed. I didn't win, however I had fun.

As it was a glorious day, and we'd spent five hours in a very, very, very hot studio, we played the pool match in the open air, in the sunshine. It was rather lovely.

It being early enough that I didn't have to rush off home, Steve and I then went to the Village Inn to grab a drink or two and to get some food.

And some food we did get. Having been salivating for the last hour about a beef  burger, we both decided to make the best of a roast dinner that someone else has to cook, and we don't have to clear up after. It was gorgeous. Mixed roast, beef and half a chicken. Very nice in deed.

We also did some planning for the final episode of 'The Adventures of Stephen Brown'. Spoilers kids. Spoilers.

A good Sunday indeed. Just to balance all the niceness, the cats left me two piles of sick to return to.

Not so lazy Sunday after all

Sunday April 27th 2014 11:28

Chloe stayed overnight, it's nearly half past eleven and she's still not up. Not that I can criticise that much, I only raised myself from my pit about 10am.

Yesterday, amongst the many things that I did, I finally took 'writer' up on their offer to use their 'pro' version of online writing software. (Writer from big hugelabs )

This means that I can back it up on other cloud devices, and it also means that I can use it where no internet connection is present. This can be handy with my Chromebook when out and about. The internet isn't always present.

Clutter free no nonsense writing. Writer

Trying the Pro version for $5 a month (what's that about £3 ?) with no commitment is an easy way of figuring out if this is something I think is worth it. There's a life time version that costs $119, which will be worth it if I used the added features. It'd take just under two years for that to become cheaper than the monthly version (there's also a yearly subscription). Time will see. I have used the free version considerably. It was my software of choice when doing NaNoWriMo.

I suddenly discovered the other day at work that instead of having just under a week of holiday to use up by the end of May, I have just under three weeks !!!!

Slight panic as I try to find a way to get all that holiday in, before the end of the month, and in a month with two bank holidays in. Oooops.

The other slight panic of the day, was checking my calendar and finding out that I had signed up for a shift in the out of hours call centre for tonight. Again. Ooops.

Nice overtime, but really, after having what feels like a short weekend, interrupted by my teenage daughter, and being considerably shorter than last weekend..... Just makes me a bit grumpy. Not me, being grumpy. That never happens. Well, okay, maybe on occasion.

It seems then that my plans for the weekend of doing absolutely nothing, and then complaining about not doing anything have been disrupted on an epic scale.

Just another manic Monday...

Monday 24th February 2014. 23:14.

Third, or is it forth, week started with the 'new' team. Not so really new anymore I guess.

I am working harder, and up and down a lot more. But I am loving it. Anything is so much easier when the people I help are a lot easier to help. Something about the eagerness, and willingness to learn.

It's just nice knowing that I can really make a difference to their day, just be being there, and by imparting knowledge and showing them how many things ARE possible, when initially they might think they aren't.

I had Chloe to stay overnight at the weekend, and she brought one of her friends, Ella for a sleepover. Having worked till 2pm on Saturday, and them arriving at 5pm, and leaving around the same time Sunday, I didn't really get that much of a weekend. Although I'm trying hard to make that not sound like I'm complaining.

I consider it a nice thing, that Chloe wants to invite friends to stay over here. The mess and chaos however isn't really from Chloe's friends though. It's normally from Chloe. Perhaps her Mother has either stronger levels of tolerance or thinly veiled insanity to be able to cope with that. Being a teenager, I guess it's pretty much Chloe's job to bring chaos, disorder and destruction to wherever she goes. At least I don't really have to deal with the moody sulking stamping of feet and slamming of doors that punctuated my teenage years.

Tomorrow is the last filming day of 'Prime Directive'. I can't quite believe it. Seems to have dragged on for so long, and just well, become part of my life that I think once it's gone I will actually miss it. Just the pain of making sure that I leave work on time in order to get a train home, eat, change, feed the cats, and to catch another train up to Steve's. I find that quite stressful in itself.

The bemoaning whilst it's in progress, and then missing once it's all over is vaguely similar to how it used to feel producing a play.

My friend Kat is leaving the place we both work at. She's got another job somewhere else. This is rather sad, as I don't really want to see her leave, but I do also understand and believe that maybe she will feel better if working in a different place. She'll get a chance to do something different. Not everyone is cut out to do the same thing, or work in the same place. It would be a terribly boring world if that were the case. She's also going on holiday in a couple of weeks time, which means she effectively leaves in two weeks.

In a week's time, I'm having a second go at meeting up with Helen for lunch, and to do some filming with my friends. Hopefully this will go ahead. Bearing in mind that last week's attempt at this failed because Helen ended up needing to stay at home doing some work, and the only people that could turn up were Andy and Paul. We abandoned the filming, and just ordered pizza.

Just for the sake of saying it, I haven't done any writing lately. Too much working, too much gazing at the telly. Words may lead to actions, but they are not actions in themselves.

Actual writing. With an actual pen no less.

Show me the vodka

January 11th. 00:45. Saturday.

Getting to be a habit that I end up writing an entry in the early hours, when I should be getting some sleep. Also getting to be a habit that I leave work late due to something happening.

To be honest, if stuff is just 'happening' then it means that I'm not managing it properly. Little victories today in some of the conversations I have had with people. Getting them to see that when we have meetings together, it's not helping anyone to sit there going on about all the things that we think are shit, or anger us. Just depresses other people and doesn't make anyone feel any better what so ever.

Little victory with one of the people that I struggle to get engagement out of. Just struggles to take on board things that I've shown them or things that they need to do. This sometimes causes friction, and with someone that doest a very good job of coming across like they are fighting what you are doing or saying this very quickly gets very hard in deed. Some people can be so good at presenting the aura of 'leave me the fuck alone', or 'I don't want help' that people actually stop trying to help them. Fortunately, or unfortunately I don't give up on them. No matter how hard this can be, for both of us.

They may be too stubborn to accept or ask for help. I'm too stubborn to let them struggle along without it.

When is a weekend, not a weekend ?

Monday October 7th 2013. 00:00.

Another weekend where I feel that I haven't achieved as much as I have wanted. I've managed to get a review written for Steve, for Beacon's club magazine. Really actually enjoyed the episodes that I'd needed to watch for it, and was also pleased that Chloe had one again decided to take part in it, although she did this from home.

I had agreed with Chloe for her not to come up this Sunday, because I've been on Standby. I'd swapped the standby weekend with a colleague as they'd wanted this weekend off. As it would happen, I haven't been called out at all. I hate it when that happens. I mean, sure I still get paid for being on standby, but when there's no calls at all I worry that I got the wrong weekend. If I have I'm going to be a bit pissed off that I've turned down going to the pub with Kat and Rob on Friday night, and going to a house party on Saturday night.

I've also had an alcohol free weekend, and not seen Chloe. I figured in the end that it was best for her to decide if she wanted to come up or not. There was a chance that even while she was on her way up here, that I would get called in. Even if she'd gotten here, I'd needed to have made arrangements for her still to have a decent meal, bearing in mind that I couldn't guarantee that I would be around long enough to cook a roast.

Before I left on Friday, Hayley gave me some positive feedback, things that others had said, and that she had observed herself about how I've dealt with this week. It's been another hard week, and it's good to hear these things because, when all's said and done, it's not going to get any easier until about April. Winter is always chaos for us, just dealing with the sheer increase in number of people calling us. It's odd, but it usually feels like winter surprises us every year, that we didn't see it coming. I think those that have been there some time get used to, or more precisely resigned to the fact that business as normal between September and March is a shit storm of a drain in organisational and emotional work loads.

I think this may be why some people seem so subdued at present. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, just some bastard with a torch bringing me more work.

But survive it we will. When we come out the other side, we'll sit and reflect on all the things that we've achieved over that time, and how amazed we are that we have done so much in such times, and how much stronger we are as a result.

Determination, strength through adversity. I do quietly promise to myself each year that this will be the last year that I work through winter in my current role. Of course, nothing ever comes of this self promise. Although I don't want to escape this year. I do feel more confident, able and supported. Although I would like to branch out into other areas, I am not desperate to leave the area of the business I work in.

I've done lots of things lately, and over the year that I think is getting me noticed in the right way, by the right people. I've also been involved in getting things done in areas where some sort of different task is needed. I'm finally getting to problem solve things, and that I like. I like being able to take something that someone else says is a big problem, break it down, and make it work. The thing that's a strength for me in doing that this year versus previous years that I might have attempted such things, is that I've been able to do that and train and lead my team to carry out that work. It's not just a case of me being the only one that knows how it works.

Emotional Cycle

Monday 30th September 2013. 23:15

After a late night - despite going to bed reasonably early, I just didn't get to the sleeping thing. I quite surprised myself by getting up just after 7am and making a commitment to cycle to work.

I was rather chuffed with the fact that despite leaving the flat about 7:40 I arrived on site at work at 8:03. That's come quick journey considering I haven't cycled that far in years.

This was also a good thing in that the energy enlivened me for the day ahead, even with the problems and dramas of the previous week. I have felt back in control. The little wobble or concern of last week has been covered, contained and dealt with efficiently and quietly. No major investigations needed. I just paused and asked a couple of people for their help and opinion in what was going on, and what they were feeling.

A year ago, I wouldn't have had the confidence or self assurance to be able to do that. I also wouldn't have been able to count on the support of my boss.

I spoke to her about it today, and she clearly said that she has no response to give me that indicates that there is anything going wrong or headed in the wrong direction in how I am dealing with things. That I am doing things well, and the right way, and that I should continue to be in control of what's happening in my team.

Sometimes, some people just have the need to bitch and moan. Sometimes, the need of me, as their manager, is to reel that in, and to put a lid on it. There's no value whatsoever in sitting down and bitching all the time. It may have a limited form of comfort, but it does fuck all to drive you toward any solution at all.

The quickly passing year made its mark as I cycled home tonight, having left work an hour and a half late, it was getting dark. Thankfully most of my route home is cyclepath, so I was at least safe. First thing after arriving though, I did (after feeding the cats, so okay - second thing) was to fit the lights to my bike.

I also didn't have time to have any breakfast this morning, and hung on till lunch. A lonely lunch without Kat, who I usually go to lunch with, as she's on holiday. I wasn't tempted to splurge out though on something involving chips. I was good. The goodness continued once the lights were on the bike. I didn't feel the need to have a meal, or to snack. I had a couple of Muller Corners.

Maybe I've turned a corner eh ? I'd really like to get my weight back under 15 stone again. I hate feeling this bloated and really notice the size difference in the clothes that I wear.

(sober) reflection

Monday. September 2nd. 2013.  13:32

It's been a funny old morning, in a chaotic sort of sense. Of course this wasn't entirely unexpected. It's Monday after all.

Never ceases to amaze me how much people must store up how pissed off they are with things over the weekend to wait to call us on a Monday morning. It's that swamp, that surge of people calling that ends up leading to longer waiting times, and therefore even more pissed off people.

I was thinking last night, that perhaps my melancholic bleating of heart Friday night was part alcohol lead, part delirium. It takes some getting used to, to realise how old I am (or much older) than a lot of the people that I work with.

Without sounding patronising, it's worth me pausing to recall just how dramatic everything was for me back at that age, and how short of life skills or knowledge of how to speak to people I was.

There were many occasions of upset, of broken heart (mine) or just plain misunderstanding. But me, and the people around or directly involved all got through it.

That's life. You have to find a way to deal with shit, in your own way. To navigate a path through it all. It's not how you deal with things when they're brilliant that defines character, it's how you deal with things when they go wrong that does.

As much as it's possible to really admire someone for a number of reasons, lets not kid ourselves that it could lead to anything more.

Just when you think it's all shit...

Tuesday August 27th. 18:58.

Sitting alone in a pub in Swanwick, (The Village Inn) waiting for the rest of the collectively creative talents of Beacon to arrive. Tonight we are looking at how to... well end the current season of 'The Adventures Of Stephen Brown'.

There's some different ideas to talk about, to throw back and forth like the proverbial pinball. Not wishing to spoil things for anyone that actually watches the series, I won't divulge what the suggestions are. That would be wrong.

It's been a fun old day at work. I have though, come away with a feeling that I can do anything if I put my mind into 'can do' gear and do it. I took an escalation from an advisor where this guy wanted us to remove his meter, today. If we didn't, his house sale would fall through, which was also due to complete today - and if that happened he and his son (who was also purchasing a property as a result of this sale) would probably lose the houses that they were buying. All this because of some odd stipulation on the part of the mortgage company used by the person buying their property. We'd tried to find an appointment for him, done some running around, calling different people, and found out that we could go out there on September 9th. This wasn't going to be enough to help him. The guy was getting really desperate on the phone, offering to pay for the job to be done.

Enter.. Resolver Man.

I called some other people, spoke to someone in charge at the depot, and they were able to arrange for an engineer to go round there on the way home.

The customer was over the moon. Ecstatic. He was very thankful, and said he couldn't put into words the relief that we'd given him.

You know, just when you're day is going to shit, just when you think that maybe it's an endless tunnel of slog and hard work and little progress... you get things like this that give you pause to stop and remember. Actually I like what I do. I love helping people. I love making a difference.

Now for some ideas about how to round of a science fiction series......

So cute !!!

Why a picture of a bunny ? I'll explain later

Monday August 19th. 01:10.

So rather than enjoy, or dwell in the last evening of 'freedom' before I return from holiday tomorrow, I went and did six hours of overtime.

What the hell is wrong with you ? - I imagine you saying. Well, screaming actually.

Hold the fuck on. There's logic to my zany ways.

By sacrificing six hours of my last evening of freedom, (which lets face it, I was going to waste on Second Life or watching some shite on the telly) I get to achieve three very important things.

1) I get a attack the email mountain. When I opened my work email, I had 156 emails awaiting my attention. I now only have 24 - and those are the ones that I actually need to keep.

2) I get paid overtime. Money.

3) I get paid overtime.

4) Did I mention the money ?

Look, the company are happy, the callers are happy - well mostly, I'm happy, hell even the inland revenue are happy.

See. Everyone's a winner.

You might go so far as to say that Chloe and ebay are happy. Because somewhere along the line they figure into the 'dispersal' of the said earned overtime.

Seriously. I am now on a 'not' spending spree. Attack the credit hill. It's not large enough to be considered a mountain, and it's too big to realistically be defined as a 'mound'. Something about that word, I don't like it. Take it away.

MY boss must have known that I was reading her emails, because she sent me a text saying she wanted to catch up with me when she comes into the office Monday.

Oh shit. I thought. (although I did moderate my response when answering her). I've gotten so used to returning from holidays to find chaos or trouble or beatings lining up for me, that I still do expect them.

She literally told me not to be silly, and went on to be complimentary about my 'can do' attitude.

It's not always been that way, and it's good to see the difference. I'm getting used to it, but it is taking time for attitude, aptitude and experience to align.

1 Day To Go

Friday 9th August. 2013. 00:27

A long and chaotic day this one. Thank fuck there's only one more until I'm off on holiday - with the teensmurf.

And it comes not a moment too soon. I just can't wait to get away. Get away from the chaos. From the mess. Sometimes you might wonder that if the organisation you work for ran a brothel, all the customers would go home virgins.

Nah. It's not that bad. Honest it's not.

I got out very late today. Ended up staying till 8pm. This means I did nearly a 12 hour day today. Like the not so good old days.

Still I am confident that there won't be any nasty little surprises for when I come back. The way I feel this week, I don't care. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. People are getting a little bit wound up at work. Tense times. It's very busy.

I guess being busy, and having too much work to do is better than the alternative.

Saturday. Oh, how I love you Saturday

This weekend's a bit out of the ordinary, because I'm not seeing my daughter. She's gone away for the weekend with her mother.

Nice for them to get away, and in a funny way, it also sets things up nicer for her to go away with me for the week. Making that just a little bit more special.

I have to be honest, I've been fighting the 'holiday mode' since booking the holiday last weekend. I have to keep reminding myself that I do need to get up at 7am and go to work each morning.

Got out of work late. Had to take a call from an unhappy customer. The day had been really quiet, and rather pleasurable in fact, just that as normal, as the shift ended, everyone else seems to be too busy to be able to deal with this.

In between making sure I don't enter holiday mode too early, I need to continue with the editing of the NaNoWriMo story, get some cleaning done, make a start on the editing of the episode of Stephen Brown and write a review.

Not a lot going on then. Easy enough to balance out really.

Tomorrow evening the BBC are showing a live TV show at 7pm, in which they announce who the new Doctor Who is. One set of waiting will be over, and then another starts, as the Whovians count down to November 23rd, when the 50th Anniversary episode is aired. The regeneration to the new as yet un-named Doctor won't occur until the Christmas special.

There's plenty of speculation online about who the 12th Doctor will be. Will it be someone Ginger ? Will they be black, will they be female or male ? I'm not about to launch into some detailed analysis of who the next person to fly the Tardis will be. I have no idea. I have no preference.

In Moffat we trust.

Photo by ADRIAN ROGERS – © BBC.  
"I guess we just have to watch the box and find out."

This Time Next Week...

I will be probably doing some last minute packing, or trying in vain to go to sleep, ready for the start of our holiday.

I just can't wait to get away. To spend some time away from work, and away from home, and time with Chloe.

I'll miss the cats, but I can't realistically bring them with us.

Went to the pub after work with Rob. Nice couple of Vodkas... okay maybe more than a couple. A couple of couples and some nattering about life, work, love. The usual sort of things. He was telling me how he's got himself a new girlfriend, which I think is really nice. He's a nice guy, and hasn't had a huge amount of luck lately - so good to see him find some happiness.

What about me ? (I don't hear you ask). I'm fine thank you very much. There's no one close, no one near. No one at all that I'd be remotely interested in.

Oh. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. Anyone who knows me well enough, or for any small amount of time, will know that I have a sort of 'like, be pathetic, say nothing, do nothing' kind of policy when it comes to love. Worked for me so far. When I say 'worked' I think I'm using the word quite wrongly.

Cat down

As I write this, I am beside myself. Not in the existential sense. I mean that I am worried about Twilight. My cat.

I am one cat down. Yes people. We are a cat down.

Twilight the little terror has gone off somewhere, and not come back at the end of the evening. I've left the front door open a long as I dare, but there's no sign of her. Which can only lead me to two possibilities. She is unable to return. She is unwilling to return.

Not sensing any dissatisfaction with the domestic arrangements before, I can only conclude that she is either shut in somewhere, or ... has come to some serious harm.

I hope it's the former rather than the latter.

Midnight does not seem to care in the slightest. As long as I put some more dry cat biscuits into his bowl he's perfectly happy.

I am very, very, very glad that it's the end of the week. I am not sad to see the back of it, that's for sure. I just don't feel like I'm getting any sense of achievement and joy out of it, and I should. Still feeling trapped behind that bloody computer at work.

I want to be freed. I want to escape. I want to run through open, sunny meadows. Well, okay, maybe not the second bit.

Not that much of a fan of nature.

Still haven't booked anything going away for Chloe and I. But the offers are coming in thick and fast on the emails. I just need to get the right one and I ponce, credit card in hand.

Up early tomorrow, shopping to do, to complete things for Chloe's birthday, and to celebrate my Mum's.

I could not get much sleep last night. I went to bed okay, after having a lovely evening at Colin and Derrek's. I'd gone round there for dinner. Very nice pasta and some wine. I woke up around half past midnight, and couldn't get back to sleep until about four am. This did, however mean that I made amazing progress reading the current book on my kindle. Extinction Point - by Paul Anthony Jones.

Anything can happen Tuesday.

Anything can happen ?

Well it could, just that the probability of some of the more interesting things is really, really, low.

Infinitesimal is the word that comes to mind.

Work is getting a bit drudgery at the moment. There's lots of success, but I'm just feeling that I am at the mercy of paperwork, and not actually getting to spend any time with my people. I want to spend more quality time with them. Away from my bloody computer. Never brings me good news does that machine. Never.

Well, okay I have to be fair quite often there's good news. Someone does really need though to stop writing endless briefs. There's only so much people can possibly read without wanting to kill themselves.

So much information in the information age. In the age of the internet. Most of it's a load of crap though.

Good news is that tomorrow, with any luck I'm going out with the team to go see a film. It's been a couple of months since we did it, and also means we'll get to meet up with Rob, who left the team when he went to work in another area of the company.

It'll also be the first time out with the two new girls that joined the team. They're a bit younger than the rest of the team so their expectations of what the night entails may be a little different. We'll have to see.

Went down with my Mum today, (and my Nephew) to go see the bike that Chloe has been referring to as the 'google' bike. Turns out it's not white, but the handlebars, pedals, saddle post etc are in the primary colours of Google. Don't worry guys, your intellectual property is safe. Leaving work a little bit earlier did mean missing the most of the murderous traffic queue to leave site. Considering that we're supposedly only meant to have cars on site that bring in more than two people there were an awful lot of people I've seen in the last few weeks that seem to be the only person in the car. Unless I guess for some reason the passengers were hidden from view somehow. Anyway, it was much easier and quicker to leave today.

When the need really hits, I am getting quite good at this 'down tools and leave' thing. This absolutely does not mean that I leave anything half done, (or completely not done for that matter). I make sure that I get things finished as I need to.

The sounds of some sort of nocturnal construction work have been resounding and bouncing across the estate the last couple of nights. I think there's some work being done on the motorway that passes by the end of the site. I guess they have to do it sometime, and any noise they make at this time of night is going to be noticeable. Can't see any evidence of the work though when we go past in the morning on the way to work.

planning the escape ? 

This morning I was presented with a light challenge. Waking up in my normal state of 'not really awake... give me coffee !!!!'  meant that it was not until I got to the kitchen, turned on the kettle, and set about feeding the cats that I realised there was only one there to feed. Twilight was there, as usual, communicating to me in her own sweet way that she wanted feeding. She had also been there waiting not so patiently by my bedside for me haul ass out of bed and feed her.

Midnight was nowhere to be seen. I looked round the flat for him. Called for him.

Then I heard the slightly distant cries of a cat, and traced these cries to the front door. Upon opening it, I discovered both the source of the cries and the location of Midnight. The little bastard had escaped out of one of the open windows. I cannot tell at what time he did this, he didn't appear to be distressed or injured in anyway. It may have been a planned escape. He may have fallen out, or been knocked off the window-ledge by the window blind blowing in the breeze. (There was actually some breeze last night. Thank fuck).

Upstairs he trotted, quite happy that he had been let back in and that his human had again, provided food as trained.
Little fucker.

I suspect that his break for freedom was out my daughter's bedroom window, although it could just have easily been out the window in my room (but I hope I would have noticed this more, and certainly heard the him meowing), or the windows in the front room, which although these do not have whole window openings, are still well within the abilities of the average feline to exit from.

The thing is that Midnight surprised me, had Twilight been the one that had gone out, I would have understood. She's much more the adventurous type. Midnight is normally happy to sit lazing around in or near the flat, and allow Twilight to do all the exploring / catching and 'socialising' with other local cats.

Maybe Twilight pushed him out of the window ? She did look rather pleased with herself when I fed her. Often I've noticed that he muscles in on her food. Revenge is a catfood dish best served cold (from a pouch) ?

Just another manic Monday

Hang on, haven't I used that title before ? Maybe. Maybe not. Don't care. It was Monday, and it was manic.

The weekend was very, very nice, despite being rather tired, I got to spend extra time with my daughter. Always a good thing.

Trying to sort out the bike that she wants for her birthday. She's found one that she really likes at shop near her. It's not a chain shop, but rather an independent that refurbishes and brings to life old bikes. Chloe's friend has one already and really loves it.

I still can't process the concept that my daughter will be 14. In a couple of years she'll be leaving school.

Finally finished the playing around with the Doorstops script that Steve needed. I wrote the thing about a year ago now, and he'd needed me to rework it a little. Wasn't happy with the terribly trifling little detail that it didn't contain a few things that were in the synopsis he'd written for the episode. Ooops. Still, it's a much better script now than it was.

Still no progress with rewriting / editing the NaNoWriMo novel, but I guess that's because I've been working so much last week that I've barely been home. Talking of which. Idiot ! I'd forgotten to submit my overtime form.

Off to visit the acclaimed bike shop tomorrow after work, and then off out with the guys from work to the pictures on Wednesday. Round Col(v)in and Derrek's Thursday... Friday ? Well, on Friday Steve's coming round with his hard drive so I can copy the files that I need in order to be able to edit the Stephen Brown story that I've volunteered to edit. Eeek. Why did I do that ?

Hot Hot Hot

It's been super hot lately, and this has coincided with the week that I am on standby for the emergency call centre. I have been in rather a lot, and tonight (Thursday night) is the last night of my stint, but also the only day so far this week that I haven't been called in.

I had thought, or hoped that it not being the middle of winter that I wouldn't see much 'action'. I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't know how the guys out in the field were keeping up with all the problems that were going on. Trees causing problems, fires, lines coming down, over zealous gardeners digging through cables. All sorts of things. You could tell how tough it was getting in the delays that were creeping in for first response to faults - because the engineers were already out on another job.

The most stupid thing has to be someone deciding to prove that the power's out by using a ladder to climb up the power pole and test the supply themselves. Lucky the supply was dead, because otherwise they would have been. Important bit of advice people, don't climb up power supply poles, don't go near the cables if they happen to come down. Don't touch them. They have a really bad habit of killing people.

Having not spoken too much to my daughter this week, I text her tonight for a cursory chat about things. I couldn't call her from my mobile because I have to leave the line open in case I'm called in. The chat moved from sms texting to facebook chat, where I then sent her a picture of my new Chromebook. She then proceeded to lecture me about how I didn't need another device and that I 'just keep buying things'.

The problem is, she may be right. Okay, I have brought another device. But I did buy it ridiculously cheaply, and can always sell it on if I don't want it any more. Having identified a need, that I thought could be filled with my iPad and a portable keyboard, I went for the absolutely cheapest way of filling that need. Not the most complicated or expensive. But she is right, that I have an iPad, and iMac, why, oh why, oh why do I need a laptop. Well I do. I need to be able to type easily. On Wednesday, when I sat in the 'garden' working on a 'Doorstops' script for Beacon, it was on the Chromebook that I did it. I couldn't have really managed to sit out there on my camping chair with my iPad and a bluetooth keyboard. I have done in the past, and it's a thing of managing to balance everything right, setting them at the right angle on my lap so that I've got room to move or sit comfortably and type. Also the heat doesn't really do nice things to my iPad. Last time it actually shut itself down and refused to work until it had cooled down somewhat. The device itself, being made of metal was white hot. Picking it up in my hand, I was genuinely concerned I was going to get branded by the Apple Logo, burning into my palm.

I know that I can come up with loads of different reasons to justify my expenditure. To justify it to myself maybe.

It is finally dawning on me that our holiday is not too far away, and I should really get my arse moving and actually book one. There are emails I get frequently from some of the holiday places, offering me short notice deals, but those are still too close - and not yet for the week that we want.

I am confident that we will be able to get something. Part of me would like to have been able to go to Jersey, but it turned out to be so fucking expensive that I would have nearly had to sell the flat in order for us to go.
I may have just exaggerated slightly. Slightly. There's something special about Devon. Heading westwards has a spiritual draw to it. Heading Eastwards, like we did a few years ago when we went to Hastings doesn't have the same charm. I don't know how to put that into words, or explain it, but that's how I feel.

I would also like to go to Scotland, or Ireland, but there's also the part of me that thinks we should not be heading further North. Further South = warmer. Further North = colder, in my mind. Would I feel cheated spending my summer holiday deliberately going somewhere colder ? So that when I come home, it's warmer ? Now that doesn't make sense.

If it was somewhere more special, maybe Iceland, or Canada, or cruise up the Norwegian fjords, then maybe, just maybe. But to damp Edinburgh ? Nah. Does not compute.

I'm probably talking a load of shite and am about to get lots of comments from very angry people in the Scottish Tourist Board.

Make a difference ? Drink this...

A nice little row of ducks. Today, amongst all the chaos and activity, and new things to look at and do, I am feeling really on top of things. I have written up the things I looked at yesterday, and quickly got together some records and information that my boss needed. Now to spend the afternoon, out with people helping them in a more direct way. 

How simple to please am I ? To know that I have no big bits of work piling up, nothing that needs to be clawed back or caught up on. Am ahead of things. This surely can't be right ? What's gone wrong ? 

Well, I've been organised. I've looked at what needs doing and I've calmly, efficiently gotten on with it. 

Life is good. Off to Steve's tonight so that I can watch some 'Adventures Of Stephen Brown' with the guys fro Beacon. I haven't been up there for a while, and will be nice to go see them, and have an evening of fun. 

My sister and brother-in-law gave me a litre bottle of Smirnoff last night for looking after my Nephews and for the DIY that I've helped them with lately. I must really be growing up, because I honestly didn't expect or need anything, it was just nice to be able to help.