Pub O'clock

Friday. August 30th. 23:09

Pub o'clock.

These post work drinking sessions are becoming a habit.

Need something as an antidote to the shite of the working week.

in the end, pretty much on the spur of the moment ended up going to the pub after work (finishing at 4) with two good friends from work.

One leaving the drinking session earlier. The other, well, she and I stayed on until the bitter end. (no we weren't drinking bitter).

Me ? Well, after perhaps five or six double vodkas I'm not to far from sober. In fact, pacing it out over the evening I think I've not done too bad.

While your very, very good friend pours her heart out about how much she isn't strong, and doesn't want to be hurt any more, and doesn't feel that she will be happy, or that she can do better than the shit of a boyfriend that she has at the moment. What can you do, but hold her, comfort her, tell her how amazing she is, (even though she's not able to hear it) and that she has many people around her that do care a great deal about her, and do want to make sure she's okay, and do not think that she should be with someone that treats her like that.

Yeah. How do you deal with that ?

How do you tell someone that can't see that they are the most amazing, interesting, beautiful person you have met in years, and that they don't need to put up with this shit. How do you tell them that they have your heart, if only they would stop and see it.

How about that ? How about saying that ? Of course you can't. Of course it's a small comfort to be there to hold her, to be close to her, so much more than you would normally, but no comfort that this is only because she is breaking her heart over some idiot that treats her so badly. And of course she cannot see. Cannot see that you feel this way. Probably would never even guess that you may feel this way. Always consider you the friend. The friend only. Not that you could be conditional, not that your feelings mean that you cannot be a friend.

Just that it's very, very, fucking hard.

This Time Next Week...

I will be probably doing some last minute packing, or trying in vain to go to sleep, ready for the start of our holiday.

I just can't wait to get away. To spend some time away from work, and away from home, and time with Chloe.

I'll miss the cats, but I can't realistically bring them with us.

Went to the pub after work with Rob. Nice couple of Vodkas... okay maybe more than a couple. A couple of couples and some nattering about life, work, love. The usual sort of things. He was telling me how he's got himself a new girlfriend, which I think is really nice. He's a nice guy, and hasn't had a huge amount of luck lately - so good to see him find some happiness.

What about me ? (I don't hear you ask). I'm fine thank you very much. There's no one close, no one near. No one at all that I'd be remotely interested in.

Oh. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. Anyone who knows me well enough, or for any small amount of time, will know that I have a sort of 'like, be pathetic, say nothing, do nothing' kind of policy when it comes to love. Worked for me so far. When I say 'worked' I think I'm using the word quite wrongly.