Remember me ?

It's been HOW long since I last made a post on my blog ? 

You'd be forgiven for thinking that I'd forgotten it existed. I hadn't so much forgotten it, just completely gotten out of the habit of using it. At all.

I guess I could say that the only thing consistent about my blogging, is that I'm inconsistent about it. My approach does not follow any set structure or schedule. I've not made (or if I've made, I've never been able to keep) a promise to make an entry every day, or week etc.

This hasn't happened. I never even managed to do this back in my teenage years when I wrote seemingly without restraint into my diary.

There was cake. Thank the universe for cake. 

This is not to say that this is not a habit that I should foster. Perhaps it would be a good idea to do so.

In the (considerable) time that has passed since I last made an entry many, many things have happened.

I guess I could try to list them. I'm going to fail, because there's bound to be a ton of things that I've left out. Any omission is not an indication of irrelevance, merely a demonstration of my failing memory and the amount of time that has passed since the last post.

SOME things that have happened (in no particular order) .....

I bought a new Chromebook.

My daughter came out to me that she has been going out with her friend for several months. I am very proud that she had been able to tell me this. It did not come as a surprise, which I think she was surprised about. Although my daughter's Mother and I had been concerned for some time about her sneaking out at unreasonable times of the night, we had realised that she was spending an ever increasing amount of time with a particular friend, and that they probably were more than just friends. We'd had  a really lovely conversation about how her friends and been very supportive, how there are still some reactions from some people that aren't positive (despite the massive changes in our society since I came out in the late 1980s). A side effect of this joyous occasion was that it reopened wound in my relationship with my parents about their reaction to my coming out, and how I felt they did not support me at all when I really needed them. Like I said to my mother, I am very pleased for and proud of my daughter, and it's about her. It's her day.

I've battled on with some frustrations with work. I'm constantly going on about how much it's not like it used to be, and that I don't like it anymore. Well that journey has continued. It's carried on getting worse, and I've stayed there to witness and partake of it. I have to learn to either shut up, or remove myself from the constant misery. As they say... If every day it's getting worse.. then each day you see me having the worst day of my life. I should be (and am) grateful however, I have a reasonably well paid, secure job. Much more than lots of others have. I may well be in wage jail, but in reality, I do have the keys to the cell. The power to escape. Keeps me off the streets I guess.

There's other things that have happened, but these are the main things that stick in my mind. I have plenty to say about the general election last week. Sorry to tease you, but I'm going to leave that for another entry. I bet you can't wait.

Along with the stresses of work, I've found myself in a rut over the last few months. I have noticed however some things that help me feel better.

Getting off my arse and actually doing some writing - even if it is the blog. I've tried and tried and tried to create places or times at which I am more likely to write. The truth is, that I have learnt that although there are some things that I can do that will increase the chance of me being creative.. there's no substitute for actually sitting down, opening the computer, or pad and ... er.... just typing (or writing) one word after the other into sentences.

I've taken to going for walks. Not really with any regularity, but with some moderate length. Not sure how you would categorise the length of a walk. I'd think that's purely subjective really. One man's long walk is another's gentle stroll. I've walked either from or to work several times now. It's getting much easier as the weather improves.

On Sunday, I walked into Cosham to put some bottles into the bottle bank. They were cluttering up the worktop in the kitchen. After doing my bit to recycle some glass, I figured that I fancied a bit more fresh air so walked further.. and further and further. Ended up in Gunwharf. I think I ended up walking about six miles in the end. Felt good for it.

There was cake. Thank the universe for cake.

I'm liking the walking. Gets me out of the flat, where I'm too tempted to do one or either both of two things.. sit in front of the computer or TV or eat when I don't need to. Obviously they're not that good for my health. I like the fresh air, the contemplation time.

Today (well, actually yestarday now) is my day off. I arranged to meet up with Helen for lunch. Despite a slight overlseep I managed to meet her for lunch. We went to the Trafalgar in Portsmouth and had some nice lunch and a drink. Only the one alocholic drink mind. There was also cake.

After this, I went for another walk, diverting through Fox's Forrest. Did a little circuit. Lovely sunny day, birds singing. People out walking their dogs.

Fox's Forrest. Birdsong, dog walkers. Quiet contemplation. Fresh air. What more can a guy ask for ? 

Nice spot near Whale Island on my Cosham - Gunwharf stroll

Sunday's walk from Cosham to Gunwharf nearing the impromptu destination.

A little wandering does you good....

Sunday June 22nd. 2014. 20:35

Determined to make something of the summer sun, (now that it is officially summer) I have been out for a good ole walk today along to the top of the harbour, by Port Solent.

There I say, and ate some lunch, and read my kindle. Basking in the sunshine, and nearly dozing off like some old codger.

It's been a daughter free weekend, ever since we agreed that she would only see me once every other week I've been at a loss to make decent use of the extra me time that's given me. Me time is always something I've struggled to do something useful with. Normally, I'd either spend it in front of the Television, laptop or asleep.

The last time it happened, it was actually unplanned. My darling daughter decided that as I had pointed out to her that the following weekend was not only my birthday weekend but also Fathers' day that it wasn't worth coming up the weekend before. (Just too much effort I guess). I think the phrase she actually used to casually dismiss me by text message on the morning she was meant to come up was 'I want to come up, but... I'm coming up next week... so don't see why I should'. Made me feel great that one.

Don't worry Chloe, I want to get you an iphone for your birthday, but I don't see why I should.

Anyhow. That weekend, I'd commented on facebook about being stood up by my daughter and one of my friends Kat then got in contact and asked if I would join her and some other friends (people we both know from where I work) as they were going down Southsea. My usual crippling 'can't say yes to going out and enjoying yourself' reared its ugly head, but I made a point of stamping my feet and overriding the inner 'no' monster.

I went out with Kat, and Mark and Katie, and we also met up with another person we all know from work, Gabi. We had a great time, playing crazy golf (when I say playing.. I mean.. losing), and well, walking up and down the beach, enjoying the sunshine.. counting how many people form work we could spot. The others also went of fair ground rides. I stood and watched the bags, and read while they looked like they were enjoying themselves. I am sure that had I taken part as well they wouldn't have enjoyed quite so much me vomiting over them or losing control of other bodily functions.

Fairground rides are a no-go area for me. Dodgem cars are about my limit. We had a nice afternoon, and rounded the day off at Katie's flat, at which we stated till late evening.

I seem a bit old to be 'hanging out' with friends and going down the funfair, but I don't care. We all had a great time.

I have quietly skipped my birthday, which was last Friday. It was really good, went to the pub with some friends from work, and ended up at mine, after stopping to Tesco for some pizza. I seem to be a lot more social than I ever used to be before. I think I might actually crack this going out and having fun lark by the time I retire, or can't walk.

Still I hear these mobility scooters are really good these days.

Anyway. This weekend, I got up late on Saturday, which meant I broke my promise to go and help Lee move out of the room he was staying in. Thankfully he wasn't depending on only me to help him. Bad person that I am. Sucky friend.

I went for a nice walk yesterday into Hilsea Lines, and onto a park at the back of Anchorage Park. There I sat for a couple of hours, taking in the rays of the sun, and... well reading and having something to eat.

In the evening I was doing some overtime, manning the lines to help inform people that have a powercut. Six hours that doesn't really feel like work, because it's so different from what I normally do.

Then today, I shamefully got up around ten thirty.. and bummed around before deciding enough was enough. After putting out a first run of washing, putting the next lot in the machine, I grabbed my bag and headed off into the sun. Coming home about seven o'clock means I'm sitting here after vacuuming the flat, and washing the kitchen and ensuite floors in my camping chair enjoying a wind-down ice cold vodka.

Hardly rock and roll, but it's still better than sitting indoors all frigging weekend watching TV or playing Second Life, or endlessly looking for something interesting to read on either Facebook, BBC News, The Independant or The Guardian. (At least you can see I get my non newsworthy non-facts from a variety of sources).

I'm leaving .... on a jet plane.....

May 4th 2014. 00:21

I write this from my hotel room in Jersey. I'm up at this ungodly hour, because my sleep pattern is all out of whack.

I got up five A.M. today, to make sure that I had everything ready before I had to leave to get the train to the airport.

As it was, I'd rather allowed myself too much time. But better to be there and waiting, than arrive with too little time and be rushing around. As it was, at the time I arrived there was hardly anyone else there, and the bemused staff were very helpful although the ones in security check in don't seem to find it necessary to bring their smiles with them, or to explain things to sad, disoriented people who haven't flown for about twenty years.

Risking only a danish pastry as breakfast in the cafe, I awaited the plane, which arrived well enough, but we were delayed boarding, and left Southampton ten minutes late.

I was glad that I hadn't plumped for a full English breakfast, as the plane, a double propeller thing did kind of lurch about a bit, and the turns around take off and landing are a bit hair raising.

There was barely time to get comfortable, let a lone travel from one end of the plane to the other with the duty free trolley before it was time to get ready to land again.

Airports are funny places, everyone is really uber focused on making sure they don't miss their flight or paying attention to this announcement or that. Airports are just like train stations, where the method of transport evolved wings instead of wheels. (I know they didn't evolve. I know planes have wheels).

Dropped off at the hotel in a rather fancy looking car that was waiting for me at the airport. The hotel offered to look after my rucksack until the room was ready for checkin. This was a great thing, as I wasn't fancying lumbering around the streets of Jersey with a (just under) ten kilo bag on my back.

And wander I did. I think, over the space of about three hours I probably walked about three or four miles. Took in some sights, found a lovely beach or two, took lots of photos of some nice buildings (trying to be all artsy), stumbled across a boat show, which had a young teenage boy singing on his own on stage, just him and his guitar. He was rather good actually. Took in the opportunity to grab some food, and had a look round a Royal Navy ship that was docked for the occasion.

I came back to the hotel, checked in, and flaked in my room for a bit, watching a film about the early life of Winston Churchill. It was rather fascinating. I had a brief nap at some point, and this, along with the similar one I grabbed after coming back from a similar walk in the afternoon is why I'm not exactly ready to drop to sleep just yet.

It's been a great first day. Even with me being rather scared on the plane. I don't think I did too bad, considering I normally won't go on the kiddie rides they put outside the shops at Christmas for fear of being sick. Dodgems are normally about my limit. I think I can only tolerate them because I'm the one in control of the vehicle. With the plane, I most definitely wasn't. It was disconcerting to see and feel it moving about so much at times.

We've got a ticket to Rye....

Saturday. August 10th. 23:30.

I write this from the bedroom of our caravan in Rye.

Our trip here was a lot shorter in time, and a lot cheaper in money than our previous trips to Paignton, in Devon. Not sure how they compare in sure distance. (Guess that'll be something else I google in a second).

I appear to have brought with me enough technology to open a small branch of Currys. Before booking, there's three things that I checked upon. Proximity to a train station (as I don't drive, it's the only viable method of transport open to us), Swimming pool. (if there isn't at least an outdoor swimming pool, then it's a no go. Although last year we only used the pool once). Is there 3g signal.

All those things checked out.... and here we are. I have to say it's probably the smartest and newest caravan we've ever stayed in. It even has a pitched roof. (like that's so 21st Century).

The struggles with transport though were due to our journey coinciding with that of lots of Brighton and Hove football fans. Our one change was at Brighton, and our train into Brighton was delayed by the many football fans not understanding that if they moved down the train, there would be room for them all to fit, or just generally trying to get in train doors where there was a mass of crowd-sheep.

exploring starts here

I may not have mentioned before, but I don't really like football. It's not just football to be fair, it's actually all sports. I haven't got one ounce of interest. I have occasionally gotten bothered about international matches, or finals of Wimbledon (that's Tennis). Really my objection isn't the sport itself. To me it's like religion, I don't care about it, I don't believe in it, it's not my thing, but I know it goes on, and it means a lot to some other people.

there be wind power in them there fields 

I guess the similarity continues onto what is my main gripe with both, in that the fans (or followers) seem to be completely blind to the concept that there are other people on the planet that don't share their passion, fascination or care for their love.

I don't mind either, really I don't, as long as no one is going about saying I MUST love or follow something.

Anyway, was quite a squeeze. Our first train, was meant to get us to Brighton with about 14 minutes to spare before our next train left to take us to Rye. Because of all the delays with hordes of Brighton Fans pushing to get onto the train at each of the last eight or nine stops before Brighton, we only just made it in time.

Once we were finally in Rye, it became a case of figuring out if getting a Bus to the caravan park was viable, or even possible, or if we should bite the bullet and get a taxi.

£7 later, we were in our caravan. The one thing that is an adjustment is that there's no shop on site to speak of, and nothing anywhere nearby, as far as we can make out. (we've looked on google maps - god forbid we actually ask someone).

Tomorrow we plan to walk back into town, and hire some bicycles for the week. This will give us some independence and mean we can really explore the place.

It's a lovely area, from just what we've seen so far. Miles of walks. We're right next to a nature reserve. We went for a bit of a walk along part of it this evening. I practically had to force Chloe to get back off her arse and leave the caravan, but having realised the shopping choices were so limited, we needed to get to the site office (where they have a very limited selection of bare essentials - we're talking loo roll, milk, bread, tins of baked beans) before that shut.

Of course the other alternative, which we may take advantage of tomorrow, is to order some food online and have it delivered to the caravan.

I'm really looking forward to getting out and about and doing some exploring, either on foot or on wheels.

These are the voyages....

Monday, Monday, Monday. 

Somehow all the optimism and hope for what the new working week would bring has evaporated. Something to do with the end of the weekend. 

I'm feeling lately that I am not getting enough sleep, and I feel this most keenly when it is time to get up in the morning. The time, of course, that I feel it the least is about nine or ten o'clock in the evening. The time I should be going to bed. 

I stayed a bit late at work this evening, which is the first time I've done that in a while. This was made possible because the person I normally catch a lift with hurt her ankle, so had to go and get that looked at. I made my own way into work, and being really rubbish at getting out of bed at a reasonable time, I ended up getting a taxi. Lazy bastard. 

I guess the day wasn't so bad. After all, I had a reasonable amount of time. I just felt 'meh'. Yeah, that really explained it. 

Still got done all the things that I wanted to get done. Some highs, some lows. No major disasters though. 

I was chatting to my friend Kat at lunch, and she was asking me about the novel I'd written for NaNoWriMo. She seemed to understand why, with it being that much content, that I avoided reading, and therefore editing / rewriting it. 

She read the first page or so, and kept laughing at the odd bit. She didn't seem entirely put off by the experience, and was somewhat distracted by getting a phone call regarding some drama or other. Sorry, that sounds utterly uncaring. It do care. It's just that she has some issues outside of work tied up with the ex-girlfriend of her current boyfriend, and all the things she keeps doing to contact Kat, and the trouble she's causing her. 

We (Kat and the two other colleagues that were present) got into a discussion about how 'girls are so much drama, so bitchy' and that 'boys are so much easier to get along with and will tell you if there's a problem'. I kind of felt that I was bucking the consensus on the table, in that (as mentioned before) I find it easier to have girl friends (that's girl friends, not girlfriends - important differentiator that space is). 

Funny old world, taking all sorts as it does. 

One day of work tomorrow, and then a day off. Hopefully the weather will be good, and I can spend it outside of the flat. 

With Chloe going home early on Sunday, I decided to make the best of it and go and see Star Trek - Into Darkness. (I know, as a life long Star Trek fan, you can't believe that I hadn't been to see it yet). Even though this would mean going alone, some times I just like to have the freedom to go where I please and do what I would like. I don't have to answer to anyone, or explain anything. I don't even need to have a conversation with another human being, beyond 'I'll have a ticket for Star Trek' and 'I'll have a small sweet popcorn and small coke, please'. 

Not that I'm normally fighting to spend time on my own. It's my go-to setting. Reverting to type. But just because I'm alone, that doesn't mean that I'm lonely. I wasn't lonely. I had a good time out. Really, really, really enjoyed the film. I thought that it was an amazing re-imagining of original story lines. It was a very action packed film. Pretty much nonstop. 

With it still being a sunny Sunday evening, I went for a bit of a walk around gunwharf, taking some pictures, walking around amongst the tourists. Looking like I don't belong. (which is something I aim for everywhere I go). I then got the train back to Cosham, but being so motivated by the pleasant sunshine, and the sudden burst of energy after sitting down for two hours, that I got off the train at Hilsea and walked home from there. 

Summer nights.... if it ain't on facebook, it didn't happen.

Although I've been on holiday this week, I have tonight completed a 6 hour shift in the out of hours call centre. It wasn't too busy, and although some times you're frustrated that your hands are tied in regards to what engineers you have available on the Sunday evening of a Bank Holiday, by and large, the vast majority of people are receptive and very understanding. 

Some people are slightly harder to help for one reason or another but that's just working with the public, I'm sure that's the same in any area. That's just the way people are. 

A 6 hour shift seems to pass so effortlessly, and so quickly. No pausing for lunch breaks, although I did have three cups of tea, and the rolls that I'd brought along with me. 

I had Chloe stay overnight Saturday, she didn't actually spend the entire time playing minecraft - which was something new. We sat and watched Star Trek (the 2009 JJ Abrams version). Despite starting it moaning and winding me up by saying that there's no difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, she actually really enjoyed the film. Even posted on facebook that she liked it. 

If it's not on facebook it didn't happen. 

It's been a really pleasant day today, weather wise. I haven't done any more to remove the remains of the bushes on the path to my flat - I don't want to hurt my back any more than I have done already. The walk back home from my shift of work was very pleasant, I do love the feeling of the fresh air, the quiet of the streets (I didn't see another human being) and the beauty of the stars in the sky. 

It is nice to get out and about a bit, even if it's only to walk to and from work. Walking is good.