Don't know what you've got till it's gone (or at least you can't have it).

Sunday April 13th 12:35.

It's a glorious sunny day. Despite other glorious sunny days already visiting upon us so far this year, this one leave me more inclined to go out and do something purely because I can't.

I can't because I'm on standby, so that means I need to be thirty minutes travelling time away from being able to get to the emergency call centre.

Luckily, this is only a fifteen minute walk away from where I live, however it does still limit my choices of activities today.

Having my daughter stay with me all week, despite being at work, and on standby has been another thing that has made this week different to the others. Now that she is staying untill next Tuesday, (and I come off standby 8am Monday morning) it will be a period where I have had to change my normal routines.

There's nothing exciting about it. But it is more.. well, normal than normal. Usually I either have her to stay with me when I'm on holiday, if for a few days, or if it's an overnight stay at a weekend, I'm not working.

This is the first time she's had to deal with me being out at work, and coming home tired etc, and vice versa. Her being a teenager means this isn't so much a problem. She probably relishes the fact that there's no one here to boss her about all day, or to nag her because she's spent the entire day watching some crazy download series on my Macbook.

I
t does mean that I've pretty much not seen my Macbook for a week. I am missing it, I get to see it, but getting to actually spend any time on it. No. I am relegated to the Chromebook. When Chloe's friend came up to stay over Friday night, I didn't even get that.

Not that I mind the Chromebook. But again, I'm yearning the things that I can't suddenly do, or use. Is that just rather childish ?

But I can't go on Second Life. . 

So, while my daughter is out with my parents for a bit, and grabbing some more things from home, I'm sitting here in the sunshine, soaking up the ultraviolet radiation. I've been up since about 8:30am. But now that Chloe's out, I don't feel the burning need to race upstairs and grab my Macbook back and cram in some Second Life time or some film editing before she returns.

Hmmm.

Don't know what you've got till it's gone eh ?

I also am certain that when I return home on Tuesday, I shall notice how quiet the flat is, how clean it will stay, how things will be where I put them. How much more like a house, and less like a home it will be.

Some people are just never happy are they ?

Actual writing. With an actual pen no less.

Two In The Bush

January 11th 23:15 Saturday.

Today I went out for a meal with my family, to celebrate my Dad's birthday which is tomorrow. Earlier in the day I had gone out with him to take his computer to Novatech to upgrade the memory.

His computer was beginning to struggle a bit, Windows being the memory hog that it is, as well as all the other crap that your PC loads up these days. To be fair, he has had it years, and he is still running Windows Vista, and until today only had 1 gig of RAM. I've gotten this upgraded to 4 gig for him, I did offer to get the hard drive done at the same time, but he said there was plenty of space left on it.

He did say that he was getting annoyed with the wireless keyboard that he has as it keeps running out of battery power just at the wrong moments and he has to change the batteries. With this in mind we also picked up a new keyboard and mouse.

Felt quite the role reversal, me taking his computer to be worked on, and getting his (combined Christmas and birthday) present. Although he was good, I didn't suggest that because of this he can have an ice cream.

With the arrangements for the meal out today being made the day before, I had asked my daughter if she would want to come up early so that she could come, and she had agreed to do so. This was a pleasant surprise. After all, hanging round with friends is the thing that most fourteen year olds want to do the most, for her to change her plans to come out with us is just really nice. We had a good time.

We went to the 'Bird In The Hand' in Lovedean. The food was bloody amazing. Lots of it (although to be fair was not cheap) - it was worth the money though.  You really did feel that you got what you paid for.

Everyone enjoyed their meal too. Even Chloe, who at times can be a fussy eater, although she has gotten better in the last couple of years. I think going round her friends, or going out with them has given her a chance to explore different foods that she may not otherwise have tried.

I know it sounds mushy, but I am really proud of my daughter. She's going through that horrible teenage stuff, all the pain and stress of school as well as growing up, and she's still a reasonably well rounded and sensible person. Sure she has her moments, but I know I can count on her to do the right things when it really counts.

I have some overtime tomorrow, to bolster the post Christmas paypacket. I also need to get my arse in gear learning lines of Prime Directive, the second act of which we start filming next week. Eeek.

Learnt my lines ? Don't be ridiculous.

Cat down

As I write this, I am beside myself. Not in the existential sense. I mean that I am worried about Twilight. My cat.

I am one cat down. Yes people. We are a cat down.

Twilight the little terror has gone off somewhere, and not come back at the end of the evening. I've left the front door open a long as I dare, but there's no sign of her. Which can only lead me to two possibilities. She is unable to return. She is unwilling to return.

Not sensing any dissatisfaction with the domestic arrangements before, I can only conclude that she is either shut in somewhere, or ... has come to some serious harm.

I hope it's the former rather than the latter.

Midnight does not seem to care in the slightest. As long as I put some more dry cat biscuits into his bowl he's perfectly happy.

I am very, very, very glad that it's the end of the week. I am not sad to see the back of it, that's for sure. I just don't feel like I'm getting any sense of achievement and joy out of it, and I should. Still feeling trapped behind that bloody computer at work.

I want to be freed. I want to escape. I want to run through open, sunny meadows. Well, okay, maybe not the second bit.

Not that much of a fan of nature.

Still haven't booked anything going away for Chloe and I. But the offers are coming in thick and fast on the emails. I just need to get the right one and I ponce, credit card in hand.

Up early tomorrow, shopping to do, to complete things for Chloe's birthday, and to celebrate my Mum's.

I could not get much sleep last night. I went to bed okay, after having a lovely evening at Colin and Derrek's. I'd gone round there for dinner. Very nice pasta and some wine. I woke up around half past midnight, and couldn't get back to sleep until about four am. This did, however mean that I made amazing progress reading the current book on my kindle. Extinction Point - by Paul Anthony Jones.

Anything can happen Tuesday.

Anything can happen ?

Well it could, just that the probability of some of the more interesting things is really, really, low.

Infinitesimal is the word that comes to mind.

Work is getting a bit drudgery at the moment. There's lots of success, but I'm just feeling that I am at the mercy of paperwork, and not actually getting to spend any time with my people. I want to spend more quality time with them. Away from my bloody computer. Never brings me good news does that machine. Never.

Well, okay I have to be fair quite often there's good news. Someone does really need though to stop writing endless briefs. There's only so much people can possibly read without wanting to kill themselves.

So much information in the information age. In the age of the internet. Most of it's a load of crap though.

Good news is that tomorrow, with any luck I'm going out with the team to go see a film. It's been a couple of months since we did it, and also means we'll get to meet up with Rob, who left the team when he went to work in another area of the company.

It'll also be the first time out with the two new girls that joined the team. They're a bit younger than the rest of the team so their expectations of what the night entails may be a little different. We'll have to see.

Went down with my Mum today, (and my Nephew) to go see the bike that Chloe has been referring to as the 'google' bike. Turns out it's not white, but the handlebars, pedals, saddle post etc are in the primary colours of Google. Don't worry guys, your intellectual property is safe. Leaving work a little bit earlier did mean missing the most of the murderous traffic queue to leave site. Considering that we're supposedly only meant to have cars on site that bring in more than two people there were an awful lot of people I've seen in the last few weeks that seem to be the only person in the car. Unless I guess for some reason the passengers were hidden from view somehow. Anyway, it was much easier and quicker to leave today.

When the need really hits, I am getting quite good at this 'down tools and leave' thing. This absolutely does not mean that I leave anything half done, (or completely not done for that matter). I make sure that I get things finished as I need to.

The sounds of some sort of nocturnal construction work have been resounding and bouncing across the estate the last couple of nights. I think there's some work being done on the motorway that passes by the end of the site. I guess they have to do it sometime, and any noise they make at this time of night is going to be noticeable. Can't see any evidence of the work though when we go past in the morning on the way to work.

planning the escape ? 

This morning I was presented with a light challenge. Waking up in my normal state of 'not really awake... give me coffee !!!!'  meant that it was not until I got to the kitchen, turned on the kettle, and set about feeding the cats that I realised there was only one there to feed. Twilight was there, as usual, communicating to me in her own sweet way that she wanted feeding. She had also been there waiting not so patiently by my bedside for me haul ass out of bed and feed her.

Midnight was nowhere to be seen. I looked round the flat for him. Called for him.

Then I heard the slightly distant cries of a cat, and traced these cries to the front door. Upon opening it, I discovered both the source of the cries and the location of Midnight. The little bastard had escaped out of one of the open windows. I cannot tell at what time he did this, he didn't appear to be distressed or injured in anyway. It may have been a planned escape. He may have fallen out, or been knocked off the window-ledge by the window blind blowing in the breeze. (There was actually some breeze last night. Thank fuck).

Upstairs he trotted, quite happy that he had been let back in and that his human had again, provided food as trained.
Little fucker.

I suspect that his break for freedom was out my daughter's bedroom window, although it could just have easily been out the window in my room (but I hope I would have noticed this more, and certainly heard the him meowing), or the windows in the front room, which although these do not have whole window openings, are still well within the abilities of the average feline to exit from.

The thing is that Midnight surprised me, had Twilight been the one that had gone out, I would have understood. She's much more the adventurous type. Midnight is normally happy to sit lazing around in or near the flat, and allow Twilight to do all the exploring / catching and 'socialising' with other local cats.

Maybe Twilight pushed him out of the window ? She did look rather pleased with herself when I fed her. Often I've noticed that he muscles in on her food. Revenge is a catfood dish best served cold (from a pouch) ?

Sunny Sunday - with a difference.

This weekend is not the weekend in which I would normally have my daughter to stay overnight. Normally at this time of the morning, I would probably just be waking up enough to get ready to go and meet her at the train station.

Normally.

This weekend has turned out a little differently.

It's my daughter's birthday soon, and she has had her eye on a bike made (or put together) at a small independent bike shop round the corner from where she lives. She refers to the design as 'the google bike'. Shouldn't really give them ideas, should we ? They'll come up with a bike made entirely of recycled plastic or something that has an inbuilt camera, GPS locator and bluetooth sync capability with your smartphone. The Google Re-Cycle ? Actually, dammit, I think I'm on to something there.

You heard it here first folks.

Anyways. Back to the point. She's been yearning for this bike for weeks, and is actually amazed that no one has bought it, considering she hasn't been able to reserve it. (Shop keeper has the sense to insist that kids must have an adult with them in order to reserve a bike).  From what I can gather, it's not a standard construction, but more an amalgam of parts for other bike types. I'm not entirely sure what image that conjures in my head. Really I'm not. I think of the bicycling equivalent of something from the Wacky Races.     

Her mum has had a look at it, and we decided that it was a good idea that I too go and have a look. In a moment of uncharacteristic endeavour, I opted to hop on a train and go down there yesterday afternoon / evening. 

Chloe's mum had joked (maybe not so joked) earlier in the conversation that maybe I should have Chloe today (IE Saturday). When I was enroute, by bus, I offered that if she wanted, and of course Chloe agreed, I could take Chloe back with me. I have to admit to being amazed when she said yes. Had I not been sitting on a really hot bus with a load of disgruntled looking chavs I may have whooped, or even hollared. I restrained myself. 

Anyway, after all that, the shop was shut. Bless teenagers for their myriad of communicative means, but lack of the ability to use one to call the guy in the shop and ask 'hey, dude, what time you shut today'. Hashtag - Just saying. 

Anyways. Looks like I'm going to have to try and find a way to go down there during the week, after work, before the shop shuts. Racing around is exactly what I want in these sweltering temperatures. 

Hot Hot Hot

It's been super hot lately, and this has coincided with the week that I am on standby for the emergency call centre. I have been in rather a lot, and tonight (Thursday night) is the last night of my stint, but also the only day so far this week that I haven't been called in.

I had thought, or hoped that it not being the middle of winter that I wouldn't see much 'action'. I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't know how the guys out in the field were keeping up with all the problems that were going on. Trees causing problems, fires, lines coming down, over zealous gardeners digging through cables. All sorts of things. You could tell how tough it was getting in the delays that were creeping in for first response to faults - because the engineers were already out on another job.

The most stupid thing has to be someone deciding to prove that the power's out by using a ladder to climb up the power pole and test the supply themselves. Lucky the supply was dead, because otherwise they would have been. Important bit of advice people, don't climb up power supply poles, don't go near the cables if they happen to come down. Don't touch them. They have a really bad habit of killing people.

Having not spoken too much to my daughter this week, I text her tonight for a cursory chat about things. I couldn't call her from my mobile because I have to leave the line open in case I'm called in. The chat moved from sms texting to facebook chat, where I then sent her a picture of my new Chromebook. She then proceeded to lecture me about how I didn't need another device and that I 'just keep buying things'.

The problem is, she may be right. Okay, I have brought another device. But I did buy it ridiculously cheaply, and can always sell it on if I don't want it any more. Having identified a need, that I thought could be filled with my iPad and a portable keyboard, I went for the absolutely cheapest way of filling that need. Not the most complicated or expensive. But she is right, that I have an iPad, and iMac, why, oh why, oh why do I need a laptop. Well I do. I need to be able to type easily. On Wednesday, when I sat in the 'garden' working on a 'Doorstops' script for Beacon, it was on the Chromebook that I did it. I couldn't have really managed to sit out there on my camping chair with my iPad and a bluetooth keyboard. I have done in the past, and it's a thing of managing to balance everything right, setting them at the right angle on my lap so that I've got room to move or sit comfortably and type. Also the heat doesn't really do nice things to my iPad. Last time it actually shut itself down and refused to work until it had cooled down somewhat. The device itself, being made of metal was white hot. Picking it up in my hand, I was genuinely concerned I was going to get branded by the Apple Logo, burning into my palm.

I know that I can come up with loads of different reasons to justify my expenditure. To justify it to myself maybe.

It is finally dawning on me that our holiday is not too far away, and I should really get my arse moving and actually book one. There are emails I get frequently from some of the holiday places, offering me short notice deals, but those are still too close - and not yet for the week that we want.

I am confident that we will be able to get something. Part of me would like to have been able to go to Jersey, but it turned out to be so fucking expensive that I would have nearly had to sell the flat in order for us to go.
I may have just exaggerated slightly. Slightly. There's something special about Devon. Heading westwards has a spiritual draw to it. Heading Eastwards, like we did a few years ago when we went to Hastings doesn't have the same charm. I don't know how to put that into words, or explain it, but that's how I feel.

I would also like to go to Scotland, or Ireland, but there's also the part of me that thinks we should not be heading further North. Further South = warmer. Further North = colder, in my mind. Would I feel cheated spending my summer holiday deliberately going somewhere colder ? So that when I come home, it's warmer ? Now that doesn't make sense.

If it was somewhere more special, maybe Iceland, or Canada, or cruise up the Norwegian fjords, then maybe, just maybe. But to damp Edinburgh ? Nah. Does not compute.

I'm probably talking a load of shite and am about to get lots of comments from very angry people in the Scottish Tourist Board.

July ? Already ? You have to be having a fucking laugh !

All fucking ready ?  You must be bloody joking ! How the hell has half the year passed without so much as a blink. It's ridiculous. I want a refund. I want to speak to a manager. 

Monday July 1st. Not really a bad day. It was very warm last night, and it's only moderately cooler tonight. I couldn't get that much sleep last night. As it was I decided to make things easy for myself, and allow for a lie in, but having a bath Sunday night. 

The bath, I'm not going to lie was absolutely lovely. It's been quite a while since I pampered myself with a nice soak. Anyway. To bed I went. Fresh and clean. Ready to slumber I may have been, but my body and mind we not really on the same page as it were. I was just wide awake. So there I lay, trying to get to sleep. Feeling hot, with windows open as much as I dare, worrying slightly that the cats might try and get out the windows overnight. 

None the less, I've had a really good day today at work. I'd rather have gotten more creative stuff done, but I foolishly turned on that machine which sucks away my evenings. It is only now, as I type that I realise one of the reasons I had not gone to bed sooner was so that I could stay up and watch the first episode of the last series of Skins - the exceedingly well written, casted, directed and acted youth drama that's been running for about the last five years. Every couple of years they change out the characters, and present a different set of backgrounds and problems. 

I had made myself stay up in order to watch that. But have forgotten when it got to Ten O'Clock and started watching some other stuff (Have I Got News for You) on Dave. I've probably seen the episode fourteen times already. 

Dammit. I will just have to check up on the catchup application tomorrow. I am not now going to watch it tonight. 

Okay. July 1st. I actually did some work editing my NaNoWriMo over the weekend. I didn't make a huge amount of progress, but still, I was satisfied that I actually started looking at the damn thing again. 

I have brought a pair of flip-flops. 

Every self defacing middle aged man should buy himself a pair of flip-flops. Just so everyone else can laugh at him when he trips over and stubs his toe. 

Seriously, it was bloody boiling over the weekend, and having gotten on a train to go pick up my daughter, only to have her call me to tell me she was getting a light to mine, I suddenly found myself with the opportunity to get off the train at Hilsea, walk back towards the flat - going past Lidl. I don't normally get to go in there, so had a peak, and ended up buying a couple of things for Chloe's birthday. 

I also brought the flip-flops. To be honest, at one pound forty-nine I couldn't give a shit if they fall apart next week. (Remember this, because if they do, I will be moaning like hell. What a waste of money, I'll say). 

Anyway, with only weeks to go, Chloe has finally acted upon my request to provide me with that which is most arduous and difficult. The challenge to end all others. The list to separate the idiots from the stupid. I speak of course, of the birthday list. That sacred thing which the parent of any Teenager knows they dare not purchase gifts without consulting THE LIST. 

 

We're not going on a (summer holiday)

Looking after my two nephews while my sister and brother in law go out for the evening. 

They're okay kids, and I do love them dearly. Because I have to. I do find myself revolted by their boyish exploits. I'm not sure if that's a measure of their revoltingness or in my near snobbery and difficulty to understand or get along easily with boys. 

I'm not expecting comments. 

The week has only one day of work left to go and then it is release ! Freedom ! - well for a whole two days there is. Sadly this weekend is only two days long, and there isn't another bank holiday weekend until August. 

I was looking online last night to sort something out for my holiday away with Chloe this year. We haven't booked anything yet, and had decided last year that we would not go to Paignton again, as although we both loved it, we wanted to try somewhere else this year. There's even the possibility, I guess of going abroad. After all, when you consider that it costs about seven to eight hundred pounds for Chloe and I to rent a caravan for the week, it's about what we would spend going abroad. 

I've not been abroad since I went to Corfu with Chloe's mum (before we were married) in the early 90s. I haven't been abroad for 20 years. My god. I don't just need to get out more I need to get out further ! 

I was looking at holidays in Jersey, which seem very reasonable, if I've read the prices right. I'll have to email them, but I don't think they'll have any spaces left. Worth a try though for the sake of an email though. We'd be able to catch a ferry from Portsmouth - so no trains, or we could get a train to Southampton and get a plane over. 

Anyway. Early days. May come to nothing. I do think there's also lots of places in the UK that we could go and see, even if we needed to by plane. I'd quite like to go to Scotland, but part of me resists the idea of going somewhere colder for my holiday. 

Everyone loves a bargain

Although I wrote before about my habit of thinking that buying new technology, new equipment would be what was needed to allow me to write more, and that this is a red herring, I did buy last night on Amazon two bluetooth keyboards. 

Two ? Well, I figured that I could use one to take to work with me, with my ipad, so that I'm not wandering around with my iMac's keyboard. They're quite expensive at £50. I quick bit of surfing and I managed to find one that was under £10 on Amazon. There were even retailers selling that very same keyboard for just under £20, which is just ridiculous. None the less, I thought buying two would allow me to use one to take out and about with me, and the other I could give to Chloe to use with her Nexus. 

I have to say, although they are obviously not made of aluminium like the Apple keyboards are, they have a similar look and key layout and feel. I'm typing this blog up on one of them now. In all the ways that are important, they are the same, and in the one that's important to be different, IE the price, they are a fifth of the price. 

Everyone loves a bargain.

Cheeky little writing lunch-break.

Keen to take my own advice, and get out the keyboard on my lunch break... so here I am. Sitting at a table in the call centre, tapping away on my Apple keyboard. 

Despite not feeling 100%, as asked by my boss I defined myself as 'not well enough to return to work, but not ill enough to be at home'. I've felt hot and a bit wobbly today, but I have been sensible and not walked around a lot, and pretty much stayed static, although I have been getting up from time to time as if I sit still for too long my back seizes up and it's a real pain to get back up again. 

Ever taken your car for an MOT and the garage tell you, that rather than just fixing a problem with a rear break light, they actually need to sort out the steering block, fix the wheel trim, mend the suspension and work on the rust on the chassis ? No ? Well nor have I, as I don't drive so don't have a car. I feel like a car that's gone in for a rather pointless service only to discover that I'm pretty much unroadworthy. 

Still could always be much, much worse. I keep remembering the sad news about the person that died at a train station near me yesterday. There's always someone worse off than you, my Mum used to say. I'm sure she did at some point. 

It does seem however that being the caring sharing kind person that I am, I have shared this virus, (or whatever it is) around a bit, and a couple of the people I work with seem to have something very, very, similar. 

I am still quite chuffed though, quietly confident in fact that I am getting lots of things done, and preparing to make sure that the office doesn't fall completely apart whilst I'm on holiday (as I am for the rest of the week). After all, they managed to not go out of business last week when I was off sick, so as nice as it is to feel wanted, or needed, the reality is they don't shut up shop when I'm not around. 

There's only really one person that 'needs' me that much, and that's my daughter, she will hardly appreciate it saying on my gravestone that I 'answered all emails promptly, and improved team performance' when what I'm sure she would prefer would be that I was alive and well to be with her, and watch her grow up into the fantastic person I am sure she will be. I'd hate to miss it too, not that I'd notice, what with being dead and all. 

Work is after all just the thing you do to get you the money to allow you to do the things that you want to do. If you can enjoy it, if what you do to earn money is something you really like doing, well, then you're a really, really lucky person. Most of us don't. Oh, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate my job, but I wouldn't say I leap out of bed with enthusiasm every morning. I certainly can't at the moment, being so tired this morning as to need 4 alarms and three phone calls from my Mother to get my out of my pit, and the pain in my back certainly excluding any leaping. 

Less time is more time.

Cunning revelation last night. Because my daughter was playing minecraft on my computer up to the point that the parental controls kicked in, and blocked her internet connection and then logged her out, she got to see the time at which it would next allow her access. (That being 7am).

Knowing that today would be her last day of holiday before going back to school, I wanted to make sure that she got a decent night's sleep and got up at a good time - so that getting up tomorrow for school wouldn't be such a shock.

Curtailing her computer access at 9pm and insisting that she go to bed at Ten PM seems to have worked exceptionally well. What I hadn't counted upon was Chloe making good her realisation that the computer's access would be reopened at Seven AM, so was surprised to say the least when she woke me up at 7:30 saying that she wanted to have a shower.

I stayed awake as well, making good of the early morning. The same principle of course working for me, as I also return from my holiday tomorrow morning. Back to the grindstone. I'm not so much dreading it, as unbothered by it. Disinterested I think would cover it. What I do there, pays the bills, keeps the roof over my head, affords the things that I want to be able to do with my time instead.

My Mum asked me today if I would look after my Nephews Tuesday evening, while her and my Sister go out for some exercise thing. All easy enough, and knowing that the boys will be thoroughly absorbed in some form of device or another, I can get on with some writing in a distraction free environment. Ironic really, that the quiet of the flat be more distracting than a house with two pre-teenage boys.

Like when I was writing the nanowriomo novel, I found that I was able to get down about twelve-hundred words during my lunch break, and therefore be more motivated to continue on when I left work in the evening. I also made considerable progress when I went to Costa.

Maybe instead of asking Sharon to drop me home after work, I will instead ask her to let me out at the high street and I will go along to Costa and get some work done there.

Too cool for school...

OCD much

My daughter being a typical teenager, and me being a little bit obsessive compulsive have interesting conversations about how things should of shouldn't be. When I say conversations, I mean I try and correct her, and she calls me a loser.

T minus 1

Being the last day of my 38th year, I decided to record a little video. Not really a lot to it, but anyhow... the video goes like this :-

I've been for a nice dinner at my Mum & Dad's tonight. It's not even actually my birthday yet, and I already have two great gifts. (The office tidy set from my daughter, and the money from my parents). I sense some clothes shopping is in order.

Deflated. Mk II

After fixing my bike on Wednesday, and consequently cycling to work each day, (well, ok, most days) I managed to pick up another flat. More precisely it could be described as the son of the previous flat tyre - The one that was caused the day I stopped off to put out a small fire on my way home from work.

This week's puncture was in fact caused by the piece of metal that I was left in my tyre from that incident. Despite checking the tyre over before fitting the replacement inner tube (I keep a spare to make it a bit easier to fix them) I now have had two inner tubes with punctures in exactly the same places. I will probably have to replace the tyre soon as well. Was a sizeable bit of shrapnel in there. Nowhere near as disastrous as the effect of a piece of metal piercing a tyre did on the Concord taking off in France in 2000 (the plane crashed, 113 people lost their lives), so perhaps I shouldn't complain so much.

I've had a mixture of laziness, followed by drunkenness interspersed with some creative activity and more than a little cleaning over the bank holiday weekend. Completed a review for Venturer Magazine again, this time reviewing the second story that I wrote for them. I have very painful memories of it because when it was shown to the rest of the company it was nowhere near finished. It was in such a state that it made it impossible for anyone to follow the storyline, and it was meant to be really important as it marked the departure from the show of one of its main characters.

It's hard to be objective about your own work, I know there were failings in the script, but a bucket load of whole fresh ones were created by the presentation of the story, with the usual challenges around direction and acting. I know it's amateur, but I still would want the story to be just that, something that tells the story. All the technology and the pretence and performance, if done right, should be invisible. The suspension of disbelief.

I was invited to meet up with some of my colleagues from work at a pub last night. I sidestepped my initial negative response and made the effort to go. I did indeed drink away quite merrily and got a little bit drunk, which was a nice change. Good to let my hair down, what there is left of it.

Despite not seeing my daughter, she has sent me regular email updates and text messages. I really do appreciate it, as otherwise I would really feel the emptiness of not being able to see her until next weekend. I'm glad that she gets to go away on holiday, but it doesn't mean I don't miss her when she's gone.

Last Blog of July ?

Well, I guess it would be, being as it's July 31st.

There's something really strange happening at the moment. I feel rather calm, and balanced, and well... like I know what to do. Sure that's me ? Lots of things to do at work, lots going on. But lots and lots getting done. I think I'm taking hold of the reigns more, and not shying away from the things that I need to do, or say. The unreleased frustrations aren't then able too build up and explode like some sort of petrol filled balloon being pricked by a lit match.

People seem to be responding better to that, they seem to know where they are more, and what it is that they have to do, and well, on the hole.. they do it.

I'm not getting everything right, but the things or times that I'm getting things wrong don't feel so overwhelming.

Maybe I feel better because I've got something to aim for (the flat). All the legal stuff is proceeding as much as it can until Taylor Wimpey send the legal pack to my solicitors - which isn't very much. They haven't exchanged contracts on my Mum & Dad's place, and they are due to be moving in October. Perhaps this will be delayed. So here I am, all mortgaged up and nowhere to go - just yet.

I really want to get started on the choosing things stage. The fun of decorating, without having to do the decorating. Fantastic.

The area of my life that is taking a knocking at the moment is the writing side. Haven't completed any new scripts for ages, and got seriously behind in needing to prepare scene-by-scenes for the new series of 'The Adventures Of Stephen Brown'. This was also not helped by the fact that in my head, I was only doing one story in the coming season, when actually, according to the email that was sent out - an email I WROTE ! I was doing two. Read your own emails. Note to self.

That's now changed a bit, so there is only one story this year, and mine is the end of season. Still. Need to get off my arse and write more, as can be seen by the not unusual lack of entries in the blog. I am also due to finish a story, which is 70% done for 'The Ninth Man' - another Beacon thing. I have been rather lazy of late on the creativity front. There is no denying it.

Time is precious, and I have been squandering it. I have been watching far too much television. To my eternal shame, I have been watching Big Brother this year, it being the last one I wanted to see what all the fuss is about before it disappears off our screens forever. (Only to be replaced by some other inane reality TV show). Just like in reality, people refer to how one years' BB is better than another, how one year was the best, or particular years were rubbish. Although there is a certain amount the tasks being set, or the house environment has to play in how interesting the show is, the greatest motivator and shaper of good vs bad television has to be the housemates themselves. If they are a boring bunch of bastards who don't say or do anything remotely interesting for 12 weeks people are going to turn off their TV sets in droves.

If however, like this year, they are a reasonably diverse mix of people, who after some fluctuations in who they do or don't get on with have all managed to pretty much get along. Fascinatingly enough though, there have been three people that have walked this year, which must be some sort of record, and one contestant that has been taken out of the house because they twisted their ankle in a task. I can see the adverts now..'Have you been injured whilst completing a task in a reality TV show..... then you should call BigLawyers4U...'

There is a core of people, the surviving members from the original crowd, but also there have been new housemates along the way. The dynamic of how the group has evolved is actually quite fascinating to watch. To see it change every time a new person enters the house is intriguing to watch. Some of the characters are interesting, lovable, fun and a pleasure to watch. The key thing, is that not one of them is absolutely marvellous, or perfect. They are humans after all, and everyone has their faults. They've all said things or done things at time that are either really stupid or very annoying, or both, but you can't help but love them all the same.

But this is the reality of human interaction isn't it. Everyone annoys or pisses off everyone else at some point or another. To think that you can remove that entirely, or that it's a disaster if people do get upset with each other is just plain unrealistic and stupid. I think I learn the most from other humans when either their or my boundaries are being pushed. People that you never disagree, row or fight with just don't teach you anything, because they are either so much like you it's like talking to yourself or looking in the mirror, or they are fundamentally uninteresting.

Was my Daughter's and my Mother's birthdays this week. We all went out for a family day out on Tuesday, which was lovely. Off to Staunton Country Park, to see the animals, spend money in the gift shop and then back here for some food. Quite amazed that the offered choice of salad with some cold meats and french stick was taken up on by the kids, had really expected them to want a McDonald's or at the very least something from the fish and chip shop. Very enjoyable day.

Time to get on with the day I think. The flat looks like some sort of mess making bomb has gone off... I guess that'll be the effect of having three kids around earlier in the week. I must keep better control over my time, I am going to have less free time now due to getting signed up for overtime so that I can have more money prepared for the move.

My daughter and I go away on holiday in two weeks time. Off to sunny Devon. I look forward to our time away every year, and have made sure for the last 4 years that we have been somewhere different each time. It's probably the only way I would get to see more of the country, not being one of those people with a car. I would like to go abroad at some more of the rest of the planet, there being of course so much of it to see. I like the idea of travelling, I do actually like travelling, but I'm not ever overly impressed with getting there. Like so many other things in life, it's about the journey not the destination.

2nd day and going well

2nd day of my holiday away, but not very far (about 10 feet as it happens), and I'm feeling good.

I got up Monday about 8:30, and was at the desk, tapping away at the keyboard by 9. With the odd break or two, working the majority of the day until about 4, when I peeled myself away from a 98% completed 'The Adventures Of Stephen Brown' script, and went and had a bath.

What a skank, I hear you say. Soddit.

Anyhow. Even the curve ball that was thrown my way, which was that two of the principle guest characters in this story can't make any filming days together had been catered for. I just needed to throw in some reference to what was going to be happening in the next story, and I was done. I just didn't want it to look like I had just 'thrown it in'.

Helen came round Monday evening, and after what seems to have become the customary takeaway (last week was Pizza, this week was curry) - both of us stuffed to the gills with Korma (despite ordering Passanda - but that's another story entirely) we got to being creative. We came up with loads of ideas. Some we could film, some we could not. We gave up waiting for anyone else to arrive... we are a filming group of two at the moment. Which is intimate, and rather nice, as Helen and I get on so well together, but the idea of a club is that there is, well, some people in it. Anyway.

We threw our artistic sensibilities out of the window, and filmed me eating a poppadom, and then edited it to show... well, oh just watch the film it'd be easier... www.youtube.com/m27online

We got that edited and uploaded, as well as making some progress in getting last week's effort edited. I've noticed that the last few things have seen me in front of the camera, which had actually been some time. It's nice, for me to 'act' (or is that 'act up' ?). Helen is really good on the camera, and is so much the better of the two of us at 'going handheld'.

Chris came down today to work on our script for 'The 9th Man'. We were a little disheartened at first that we had not got further than we had previously. We spent the time reminding ourselves what we had talked about before, and fleshing that out into a scene by scene, just breaking the synopsis down into Excel and putting some more detail in. Looks like there's going to be some really interesting drama in those episodes, if only we can get the time to sit down and write the damn thing. I'm sure in this age of technology (Celtx being the preferred script writing software of choice) progress can be made, even when we can't be in the same room together.

By far though, the thing that really put me in a very good mood, was utterly unexpected. The best things always are. When I went to bed (just after arriving at my holiday residence on Sunday night), I wrote a blog entry, and then after that I checked up on my twitter page. It was at that point that I discovered that my daughter had, at some point during the day craftily updated my status a couple of times. One of the things she wrote was 'my dad is awesome, in a utterly weird kind of way'. That did bring a tear to my eye (and not because of the grammatical errors). It was so nice of her, and so unexpected. It doesn't matter what else the world throws at me. My daughter thinks I'm awesome (in an utterly weird kind of way). It's I think the greatest compliment I've ever received.

Today, after 4 failed attempts, my merchandising purchases from 'Script Frenzy' arrived. Two travel coffee mugs, with Script Frenzy iconography and 'Stop watching. Start writing. Script Frenzy. April' on them. So appropriate I thought, as it is the TV that sucks me in and swallows all my time in a manner a kin to the appetite of a black hole. I also brought a book 'No plot ? No problem !' - by Chris Baty.

Write here. Write now !! Do it !!! Sounds like a motivational speech given by Peggy Butcher. (get out of my pub, you're - the - bard).

1 script submitted. 1 film shot, edited and uploaded. Other projects moving forward. I should be on holiday more often. I'd get more done.