When is a weekend, not a weekend ?

Monday October 7th 2013. 00:00.

Another weekend where I feel that I haven't achieved as much as I have wanted. I've managed to get a review written for Steve, for Beacon's club magazine. Really actually enjoyed the episodes that I'd needed to watch for it, and was also pleased that Chloe had one again decided to take part in it, although she did this from home.

I had agreed with Chloe for her not to come up this Sunday, because I've been on Standby. I'd swapped the standby weekend with a colleague as they'd wanted this weekend off. As it would happen, I haven't been called out at all. I hate it when that happens. I mean, sure I still get paid for being on standby, but when there's no calls at all I worry that I got the wrong weekend. If I have I'm going to be a bit pissed off that I've turned down going to the pub with Kat and Rob on Friday night, and going to a house party on Saturday night.

I've also had an alcohol free weekend, and not seen Chloe. I figured in the end that it was best for her to decide if she wanted to come up or not. There was a chance that even while she was on her way up here, that I would get called in. Even if she'd gotten here, I'd needed to have made arrangements for her still to have a decent meal, bearing in mind that I couldn't guarantee that I would be around long enough to cook a roast.

Before I left on Friday, Hayley gave me some positive feedback, things that others had said, and that she had observed herself about how I've dealt with this week. It's been another hard week, and it's good to hear these things because, when all's said and done, it's not going to get any easier until about April. Winter is always chaos for us, just dealing with the sheer increase in number of people calling us. It's odd, but it usually feels like winter surprises us every year, that we didn't see it coming. I think those that have been there some time get used to, or more precisely resigned to the fact that business as normal between September and March is a shit storm of a drain in organisational and emotional work loads.

I think this may be why some people seem so subdued at present. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, just some bastard with a torch bringing me more work.

But survive it we will. When we come out the other side, we'll sit and reflect on all the things that we've achieved over that time, and how amazed we are that we have done so much in such times, and how much stronger we are as a result.

Determination, strength through adversity. I do quietly promise to myself each year that this will be the last year that I work through winter in my current role. Of course, nothing ever comes of this self promise. Although I don't want to escape this year. I do feel more confident, able and supported. Although I would like to branch out into other areas, I am not desperate to leave the area of the business I work in.

I've done lots of things lately, and over the year that I think is getting me noticed in the right way, by the right people. I've also been involved in getting things done in areas where some sort of different task is needed. I'm finally getting to problem solve things, and that I like. I like being able to take something that someone else says is a big problem, break it down, and make it work. The thing that's a strength for me in doing that this year versus previous years that I might have attempted such things, is that I've been able to do that and train and lead my team to carry out that work. It's not just a case of me being the only one that knows how it works.

One down... 51 to go

You know how I said the other day that I had probably jinxed things by saying that I felt that I was doing okay, and that I was making good progress.

Well, that bad mojo caught up with me today. It was a day in which it was certainly harder to spot the 'achievements'. Even so, it was the whole business today basically screwed it's plan up and threw it in the bin within half an hour of us starting.

Previously, I might have fought this fire fighting, or argued about it, but today I just got on with things, even with the slightly more difficult conditions. This, I think, helped. I wasn't so much fighting everything and everyone else.

Bloody hard work though.

After last winter, I promised myself that I would not go through 'that' again. I decided, in the spring, that I would change how I dealt with the overwork that forms part of the winter period in the call centre (the bit when everyone goes crazy with fear about their bills), and I have to say that although this hasn't produced an oasis of calm in the middle of the call centre that is me, I do feel more.... rational.

I'm really no use to anyone, especially me, if I am feeding of anger and frustration all the time, I end up making rash choices, bad judgements and bite of the hands of those that try to help, purely because I am so short-sighted in that state that I can't see the wood for the trees.

Well, we are more than half way out of the dark now, it may still be a fair old climb back out of winter, and into spring, but we are on the way there.

And this summer, I'm determined to spend more of it somewhere I normally don't.... out of doors. I want to get out there and soak up the air, the warmth, the sun... if anything, just so I can remember that there actually was a summer when we get back to winter again.