Emotional Cycle

Monday 30th September 2013. 23:15

After a late night - despite going to bed reasonably early, I just didn't get to the sleeping thing. I quite surprised myself by getting up just after 7am and making a commitment to cycle to work.

I was rather chuffed with the fact that despite leaving the flat about 7:40 I arrived on site at work at 8:03. That's come quick journey considering I haven't cycled that far in years.

This was also a good thing in that the energy enlivened me for the day ahead, even with the problems and dramas of the previous week. I have felt back in control. The little wobble or concern of last week has been covered, contained and dealt with efficiently and quietly. No major investigations needed. I just paused and asked a couple of people for their help and opinion in what was going on, and what they were feeling.

A year ago, I wouldn't have had the confidence or self assurance to be able to do that. I also wouldn't have been able to count on the support of my boss.

I spoke to her about it today, and she clearly said that she has no response to give me that indicates that there is anything going wrong or headed in the wrong direction in how I am dealing with things. That I am doing things well, and the right way, and that I should continue to be in control of what's happening in my team.

Sometimes, some people just have the need to bitch and moan. Sometimes, the need of me, as their manager, is to reel that in, and to put a lid on it. There's no value whatsoever in sitting down and bitching all the time. It may have a limited form of comfort, but it does fuck all to drive you toward any solution at all.

The quickly passing year made its mark as I cycled home tonight, having left work an hour and a half late, it was getting dark. Thankfully most of my route home is cyclepath, so I was at least safe. First thing after arriving though, I did (after feeding the cats, so okay - second thing) was to fit the lights to my bike.

I also didn't have time to have any breakfast this morning, and hung on till lunch. A lonely lunch without Kat, who I usually go to lunch with, as she's on holiday. I wasn't tempted to splurge out though on something involving chips. I was good. The goodness continued once the lights were on the bike. I didn't feel the need to have a meal, or to snack. I had a couple of Muller Corners.

Maybe I've turned a corner eh ? I'd really like to get my weight back under 15 stone again. I hate feeling this bloated and really notice the size difference in the clothes that I wear.

Turn off the TV and do something more interesting instead.

Tuesday. August 6th. 2013. 23:55
Today was my nephew's birthday. He is now thirteen. Another teenager in the family. All we need. Considering that the pushed his brother through the (thankfully open) french doors at my sister's house the other day, he's kind of lucky to have made it this far.

The normal 'witty' card, and emailed Amazon voucher as a present. Does this make me a lazy giver ? Well, actually when it was the case that he was getting a bike for his birthday I had bought a new lock and rechargeable bike lights for him. Having changed his mind, and decided that learning to ride a bike was 'too much for him', that became a pointless thing to buy him.

Even though I had purchased them I am sure that I can still make use of them when I finally get round to buying a new bike.

So far this week I've not gotten much writing done. I've kidded myself that my online escaping into 'Second Life' is a valid alternative for spending my time. When I'm away on holiday I won't be able to go on Second Life. So I will miss my virtual world. When I say miss. I don't mean it like that. I don't actually go on it at all that much these days. When I first started it, I was on it for hours and hours every night. Now I probably only go on there for a couple of hours a week. 

I need to stop turning the Television on again. This seems to be the routine when I come in from work.

Get in.
Let cats out.
Turn on TV.
Slump in sofa.
Pointlessly surf the internet / check facebook.

Maybe, just maybe I will start some novel editing, or I will start a blog entry. I've done that a couple of times. But the TV gets in the way of any real focus. Trouble is, Star Trek Enterprise is on at 7pm every night.

As time goes on, it's becoming less and less easy to hide my inner nerd. When I say inner. I mean the inner most 98% of me.

Anything can happen Tuesday.

Anything can happen ?

Well it could, just that the probability of some of the more interesting things is really, really, low.

Infinitesimal is the word that comes to mind.

Work is getting a bit drudgery at the moment. There's lots of success, but I'm just feeling that I am at the mercy of paperwork, and not actually getting to spend any time with my people. I want to spend more quality time with them. Away from my bloody computer. Never brings me good news does that machine. Never.

Well, okay I have to be fair quite often there's good news. Someone does really need though to stop writing endless briefs. There's only so much people can possibly read without wanting to kill themselves.

So much information in the information age. In the age of the internet. Most of it's a load of crap though.

Good news is that tomorrow, with any luck I'm going out with the team to go see a film. It's been a couple of months since we did it, and also means we'll get to meet up with Rob, who left the team when he went to work in another area of the company.

It'll also be the first time out with the two new girls that joined the team. They're a bit younger than the rest of the team so their expectations of what the night entails may be a little different. We'll have to see.

Went down with my Mum today, (and my Nephew) to go see the bike that Chloe has been referring to as the 'google' bike. Turns out it's not white, but the handlebars, pedals, saddle post etc are in the primary colours of Google. Don't worry guys, your intellectual property is safe. Leaving work a little bit earlier did mean missing the most of the murderous traffic queue to leave site. Considering that we're supposedly only meant to have cars on site that bring in more than two people there were an awful lot of people I've seen in the last few weeks that seem to be the only person in the car. Unless I guess for some reason the passengers were hidden from view somehow. Anyway, it was much easier and quicker to leave today.

When the need really hits, I am getting quite good at this 'down tools and leave' thing. This absolutely does not mean that I leave anything half done, (or completely not done for that matter). I make sure that I get things finished as I need to.

The sounds of some sort of nocturnal construction work have been resounding and bouncing across the estate the last couple of nights. I think there's some work being done on the motorway that passes by the end of the site. I guess they have to do it sometime, and any noise they make at this time of night is going to be noticeable. Can't see any evidence of the work though when we go past in the morning on the way to work.

planning the escape ? 

This morning I was presented with a light challenge. Waking up in my normal state of 'not really awake... give me coffee !!!!'  meant that it was not until I got to the kitchen, turned on the kettle, and set about feeding the cats that I realised there was only one there to feed. Twilight was there, as usual, communicating to me in her own sweet way that she wanted feeding. She had also been there waiting not so patiently by my bedside for me haul ass out of bed and feed her.

Midnight was nowhere to be seen. I looked round the flat for him. Called for him.

Then I heard the slightly distant cries of a cat, and traced these cries to the front door. Upon opening it, I discovered both the source of the cries and the location of Midnight. The little bastard had escaped out of one of the open windows. I cannot tell at what time he did this, he didn't appear to be distressed or injured in anyway. It may have been a planned escape. He may have fallen out, or been knocked off the window-ledge by the window blind blowing in the breeze. (There was actually some breeze last night. Thank fuck).

Upstairs he trotted, quite happy that he had been let back in and that his human had again, provided food as trained.
Little fucker.

I suspect that his break for freedom was out my daughter's bedroom window, although it could just have easily been out the window in my room (but I hope I would have noticed this more, and certainly heard the him meowing), or the windows in the front room, which although these do not have whole window openings, are still well within the abilities of the average feline to exit from.

The thing is that Midnight surprised me, had Twilight been the one that had gone out, I would have understood. She's much more the adventurous type. Midnight is normally happy to sit lazing around in or near the flat, and allow Twilight to do all the exploring / catching and 'socialising' with other local cats.

Maybe Twilight pushed him out of the window ? She did look rather pleased with herself when I fed her. Often I've noticed that he muscles in on her food. Revenge is a catfood dish best served cold (from a pouch) ?

Sunny Sunday - with a difference.

This weekend is not the weekend in which I would normally have my daughter to stay overnight. Normally at this time of the morning, I would probably just be waking up enough to get ready to go and meet her at the train station.

Normally.

This weekend has turned out a little differently.

It's my daughter's birthday soon, and she has had her eye on a bike made (or put together) at a small independent bike shop round the corner from where she lives. She refers to the design as 'the google bike'. Shouldn't really give them ideas, should we ? They'll come up with a bike made entirely of recycled plastic or something that has an inbuilt camera, GPS locator and bluetooth sync capability with your smartphone. The Google Re-Cycle ? Actually, dammit, I think I'm on to something there.

You heard it here first folks.

Anyways. Back to the point. She's been yearning for this bike for weeks, and is actually amazed that no one has bought it, considering she hasn't been able to reserve it. (Shop keeper has the sense to insist that kids must have an adult with them in order to reserve a bike).  From what I can gather, it's not a standard construction, but more an amalgam of parts for other bike types. I'm not entirely sure what image that conjures in my head. Really I'm not. I think of the bicycling equivalent of something from the Wacky Races.     

Her mum has had a look at it, and we decided that it was a good idea that I too go and have a look. In a moment of uncharacteristic endeavour, I opted to hop on a train and go down there yesterday afternoon / evening. 

Chloe's mum had joked (maybe not so joked) earlier in the conversation that maybe I should have Chloe today (IE Saturday). When I was enroute, by bus, I offered that if she wanted, and of course Chloe agreed, I could take Chloe back with me. I have to admit to being amazed when she said yes. Had I not been sitting on a really hot bus with a load of disgruntled looking chavs I may have whooped, or even hollared. I restrained myself. 

Anyway, after all that, the shop was shut. Bless teenagers for their myriad of communicative means, but lack of the ability to use one to call the guy in the shop and ask 'hey, dude, what time you shut today'. Hashtag - Just saying. 

Anyways. Looks like I'm going to have to try and find a way to go down there during the week, after work, before the shop shuts. Racing around is exactly what I want in these sweltering temperatures. 

deflated / re-inflated

Another attempt to get an early foothold on the work of the day. Another failure to quite manage that. Having spent the day working away solidly spending some quality time with the team the afternoon made the morning look positively organised.

Ever get the feeling that if you were trying to tread water the sharks would be circling and licking their lips ? (do sharks even have tongues ?)

Anyway. Stayed late from work, missing completely the chance to get to drama (it was just as well that Helen and I had planned for the eventuality that I may be at best very late tonight). When I had eventually managed to leave, the cycle home wasn't exactly without incident either. As I passed through the railway triangle (place at the top of Portsmouth where the east and west train lines join to head south into the city), I noticed some smoke, and realised that some little darlings had set light to some rubbish left on an embankment. Borrowing a bucket and some water from a nearby house I easily managed to dowse the flames of the small fire that had been started. Would have felt rather stupid calling out the fire brigade, but equally I couldn't have left it.

To prove that no good deed goes unpunished, I got back onto my bike to find that I now had a flat front tyre. At least I wasn't that far from home by that point, so it wasn't too much trouble to wheel my bike the rest of the way, where I promptly fed the cats and then replaced the inner tube so that I could be sure to be able to cycle in to work again tomorrow.

It's near the end of the week. This weekend being a longer affair owing to the bank holiday monday at the other end of it. I don't want to sound like I am kicking a gift horse in the mouth, but I had just got used to the normal run of things !

I'm really only bitching because we'll have this lovely long weekend and I won't get to see my daughter because she's going away on holiday for the week.

Taking the cats to the vets for their followup jabs on Friday. They do seem to be growing so fast. After that's done they would be allowed outside, if I decide to do that. I think they have already made their feelings plane on that front having made a break for it the other week.