A little wandering does you good....

Sunday June 22nd. 2014. 20:35

Determined to make something of the summer sun, (now that it is officially summer) I have been out for a good ole walk today along to the top of the harbour, by Port Solent.

There I say, and ate some lunch, and read my kindle. Basking in the sunshine, and nearly dozing off like some old codger.

It's been a daughter free weekend, ever since we agreed that she would only see me once every other week I've been at a loss to make decent use of the extra me time that's given me. Me time is always something I've struggled to do something useful with. Normally, I'd either spend it in front of the Television, laptop or asleep.

The last time it happened, it was actually unplanned. My darling daughter decided that as I had pointed out to her that the following weekend was not only my birthday weekend but also Fathers' day that it wasn't worth coming up the weekend before. (Just too much effort I guess). I think the phrase she actually used to casually dismiss me by text message on the morning she was meant to come up was 'I want to come up, but... I'm coming up next week... so don't see why I should'. Made me feel great that one.

Don't worry Chloe, I want to get you an iphone for your birthday, but I don't see why I should.

Anyhow. That weekend, I'd commented on facebook about being stood up by my daughter and one of my friends Kat then got in contact and asked if I would join her and some other friends (people we both know from where I work) as they were going down Southsea. My usual crippling 'can't say yes to going out and enjoying yourself' reared its ugly head, but I made a point of stamping my feet and overriding the inner 'no' monster.

I went out with Kat, and Mark and Katie, and we also met up with another person we all know from work, Gabi. We had a great time, playing crazy golf (when I say playing.. I mean.. losing), and well, walking up and down the beach, enjoying the sunshine.. counting how many people form work we could spot. The others also went of fair ground rides. I stood and watched the bags, and read while they looked like they were enjoying themselves. I am sure that had I taken part as well they wouldn't have enjoyed quite so much me vomiting over them or losing control of other bodily functions.

Fairground rides are a no-go area for me. Dodgem cars are about my limit. We had a nice afternoon, and rounded the day off at Katie's flat, at which we stated till late evening.

I seem a bit old to be 'hanging out' with friends and going down the funfair, but I don't care. We all had a great time.

I have quietly skipped my birthday, which was last Friday. It was really good, went to the pub with some friends from work, and ended up at mine, after stopping to Tesco for some pizza. I seem to be a lot more social than I ever used to be before. I think I might actually crack this going out and having fun lark by the time I retire, or can't walk.

Still I hear these mobility scooters are really good these days.

Anyway. This weekend, I got up late on Saturday, which meant I broke my promise to go and help Lee move out of the room he was staying in. Thankfully he wasn't depending on only me to help him. Bad person that I am. Sucky friend.

I went for a nice walk yesterday into Hilsea Lines, and onto a park at the back of Anchorage Park. There I sat for a couple of hours, taking in the rays of the sun, and... well reading and having something to eat.

In the evening I was doing some overtime, manning the lines to help inform people that have a powercut. Six hours that doesn't really feel like work, because it's so different from what I normally do.

Then today, I shamefully got up around ten thirty.. and bummed around before deciding enough was enough. After putting out a first run of washing, putting the next lot in the machine, I grabbed my bag and headed off into the sun. Coming home about seven o'clock means I'm sitting here after vacuuming the flat, and washing the kitchen and ensuite floors in my camping chair enjoying a wind-down ice cold vodka.

Hardly rock and roll, but it's still better than sitting indoors all frigging weekend watching TV or playing Second Life, or endlessly looking for something interesting to read on either Facebook, BBC News, The Independant or The Guardian. (At least you can see I get my non newsworthy non-facts from a variety of sources).

Actual writing. With an actual pen no less.

Womanly Chores

So a morning cleaning on Saturday. It's amazing how therapeutic a spot of cleaning can be. Sad that even with the speeded up 'chipmunk' footage you can still tell how out of tune I am.

Sadly I think the footage from my Wildfire S isn't quite up to the task. Think I'm going to have to start taking a camcorder around with me unless I get something like a flipcam.

My apologies for shooting it in my pyjamas... and I thought the gray t-shirt made me look slimmer... if that's slimmer, christ ! Maybe I need to give up the Wispa Bars ?

Still if only I could have taken some footage showing how nice the flat looked AFTER I cleaned it.... I'll make someone a lovely housewife.

It's October, Damit !

As I last blogged, we've had a couple of days of unseasonably hot, sunny weather. Not that I've had much of a chance to enjoy it, today, being at work. We were due to finish at 6, but with one thing and another, I actually got out of the call centre at 7. What surprised me was that outside it was very dark, like the middle of the night.

It was still rather comfortably warm. Wouldn't have expected that on October 3rd I'd be able to go to work and come home again in T-Shirt and shorts, and not at all be cold.

Really must shift my arse in gear about cleaning the flat. It's a shit tip and I've been a lazy arse.


I've also tried to get people interested in a drama session on Wednesday, but so far only seem to have a couple of people coming. Literally 2.

Glorious cold sunshine

The weekend arrives with some fantastic sunshine, just none of the warmth. The need to do some cleaning has finally caught up with me, so to the bleach it is I went. Now much happier that things are clean and sparkly.

This week has been something of a trudge for me, it really has had some low points, but it definitely has had some highs. Must make more of an effort to remember those. I realised the other day that I should make sure I am playing to my strengths than to my weaknesses. The more time I get to spend with the team, the better I feel, the more I get to see what a great job it is that they do. Otherwise, there's a sad tendency that the only time they get to speak to me, and I them, is when something's gone wrong.

That creates a horrible expectation on their part that every time they have a conversation with me, it's going to be a negative thing.

The casual negativity and the ignorance of my requests has caused some problems before. I find it hard not to take such things personally, but what I have noticed this week, is that as I have started to challenge these things, and let people know how that is coming across they have responded well to it (the challenge). For sure this isn't always the case right at that moment, but in every situation they've gone away, thought about it, and come back with a different approach.

What strikes me from that is that it isn't a personal thing, it's just the nature sometimes of human interaction that we don't know how it is we are perceived by others. It is only when someone tells us that we have the chance to change that. Because they are responding in that way, it also becomes apparent to me how much they do actually care not just about how they are seen, but also about how they effect me.

It's been a tough couple of months getting these guys onboard, shaping them into a team of people (that came originally from other teams), and getting them used the different ways in which I work to other people they may have worked with before.

Sometimes you get in any group of people, someone that works against the common good, that creates an aura or wave of negativity that has to be worked round in order to achieve anything. These guys are sometimes difficult to get onboard, but that's because they are passionate about what they do, and want to be the best at it. It at times can make it harder to manage them, but I would rather have that any day than a team of 11 robots who just did everything I said. (I've gone and committed to text that I am okay with the 'push-back' there haven't I ? Oooops).

These people that I work with, are just that, people. They are not a statistical group of averages, they are individuals that all need to be helped, coached, encouraged or even chastised in a specific way to have the best effect for them.

It's a shame that the response at the offer of a pizza based celebration and the flat warming was so cooly received, because we certainly need as a group the opportunity to get out, let our hair down (those of us that still have some) and be silly together. Work can be so serious, and rightly so, but no one can survive being focused and official all the time. Work hard, play hard.

Sunday, Sunday.

A  little late getting up today, made me late for picking up Chloe. Nice day. We stopped into Palmerston Road, to take advantage of the farmers market. Brought some rather delicious honey, and that staple of farmers markets, a hog roast. Yum.


A quick trip to Iceland, (the shop, not the country) to pick up some supplies, and we came back and set about preparing for dinner. Chloe had been asking me to give her some money, first to top up her mobile, and then so that she could buy a game for her Ipod. There then started the chat about how as she has so much pocket money, she can afford to buy such things herself.

£10 worth of topup a definite no. The £1.75 for the 'Plants vs Zombies' game, was something I was prepared to buy, if she did some chores. So after vacuuming her room, and the front room, running down to the shop to get some tin foil for me I let her buy it. Eventually she let me have a go.

For a nice change we had Gammon, instead of the usual roast Chicken.

As well as deciding that she wanted to move the dressing table in her room, Chloe had finally decided where it was that she wanted the cat pictures that she had been given by my mother. I'd also gotten round the changing which side the fridge door opens, so that it works better with its place in the kitchen.

After dropping Chloe back home, I came back, wasted some time before starting on cleaning the flat from top to bottom. There's only so much dust I can take. Actually the flat doesn't get that dusty, it's more a case of keeping things clear and tidy, and that nice 'just cleaned' smell I love so much. I really should get a life.

Ever since changing the opening side of the fridge door, I have struggled to still open it the old way. I guess I will get used to it, but there's something in it. Getting used to being on the other side. I think I'm being unnecessarily deep. That's just a generous way of saying I'm talking bollocks.

Where's the cleaning fairy ?

Ok. So I have no one to blame but myself, but still..... where's a happy cleaning fairy when you need one.

The flat is still a pigsty. Still the mess it was at the start of the week. I have, although managed to motivate myself to actually do some things. Some things.

Went round to Steve's last night, and attended a workshop on how to use the club's cameras. This was handy, because they have lots of buttons and switches and settings and stuff, and I would probably be quite happy to sit and play with them all, but the truth is that I probably shouldn't and Steve probably wouldn't like me to.

I did get some really good ideas about where things were on the equipment they use, and some of the theory behind those strange phrases I keep hearing either Steve or Chris saying 'I need to rebalance the white' or 'you're crossing the line there'. To me 'crossing the line' was something that my parents used to tell me when I was getting far to cheeky.

I think they may have even redefined 'being cheeky' as 'being a little shit', but I guess you'd have to ask them about that.

Anyway. Back to the plot. There's a plot ? Bloody hell, this was news to me. I thought I was just tapping some random stuff into my netbook while I wait for the toast to pop up......

Hmmm... peanut butter on toast, with salad cream. Yum.

I've noticed that in this year, I've not done anywhere near as much writing as I wanted, and also haven't really done as much filming and uploading. I'm quite good at starting blogs, but absolutely terrible at keeping them going. (as you can tell from the updates on his page).

If 2010 is going to be a different year for me, then I am deciding to change that. And I'm going to change that right here, right now. I have found it very easy to update my Facebook and Twitter presence. 140 characters of musings or comment, sent by text. Nothing could be simpler. I'm not trying to blame the technology or sites for the lack of updates.... but of all my character flaws, procrastination is the one that I can put off till tomorrow.

I don't think that it's beyond possible for me to make two updates per week. (There are only so many entries this week because I am on holiday). I have realised that there's no point in leaving that to start on January 1st. Strike while the iron is hot I say. Or at least while it's relatively tepid. Ouch. Careful not to burn my fingers.

Ok. So that's my 'writing promise'. If it's one thing I've learnt recently at work, its that I like to get stuff done. I like to see that there are things being ticked off on my todo list. I might well have a tendency to be a lazy git, but if I lounge around and do nothing, I don't feel very good about it. Don't get me wrong, its not that I want to live my life in a hectic turmoil, being a slave to a never ending list of things to do (god if I wanted to live like that, I could have stayed married). In the end, there's only one way to get things done, and that's to bloody-well do them. It's nice to kick back and relax, but just sitting in front of the computer or TV, getting slowly more and more depressed about how messy everything is, or what else needs doing.

On the subject of roaring with energy and vitality and determination.. and stuff.... I think it's time to put the kettle on....

Day two

Second day of the holiday.

I have gotten up much later than I had wanted. Having gone to bed a bit later. Still up in time to catch 'Homes Under The Hammer', just because I'm nosey enough to want to look at what other people are doing with their money, and how they are able to make more by refurbishing neglected properties. It's all good stuff. I like watching it, but think that I am teasing myself a little because I know full well, that as much as I would like to try something like that myself, I just don't have the money.

End of 2009, and I'm still renting. Still stuck without even a foot or hand on the property ladder. The hope that house prices would have crashed enough to allow me to buy something of my own has evaporated with the offers to lend money by all the banks that got us into this mess.

My current home is nice enough, but it would be good to be able to do the things that only owners can do. Decorate !

I want to be able to stick things on walls without worrying that pulling off paint or plaster will mean the loss of my deposit. I'd really like to be able to have a whole wall as a blackboard, so that I can 'brain storm' or 'mind shower' (depending how politically correct you are).

I've also got this idea of putting all my DVDs on a wall, with the covers showing, in order to give this collage effect which actually shows a passage of time marked in film releases. I like going round other people's houses and nosing through their book collections. Others like to look at their music - as indeed some people have with mine.

With everything going digital, and being stored on a computer, there isn't this conversation piece. It's such a shame. I just think there's something fundamentally beautiful about a well stocked bookcase. Something about the hodge podge of colours and styles. I guess that's like life itself, in that things aren't (thankfully) uniform and monotone. As much as I love my Mac Mini, or my Netbook, they're pretty soulless. All they say about me is that I can't resist a gadget or two.

If I were to entertain any visitors now, the thing that they would gather mostly about me, and the type of person that I am is that I am messy, and don't clean enough. I never did get around to the cleaning yesterday. I am trying to convince myself to get on with that, and at the same time to get into town and start my Christmas shopping. I am tempted to purchase a copy of the Star Trek film that has recently come out on DVD.

Do I buy it, or do I wait, and let someone buy it for me for Christmas ? Decisions, decisions. Every year my Mother asks me to give her a list of things that I want, for Christmas. Each year, I struggle to find things, because I don't sit around, waiting for Christmas to come about in order to get things that I need. I just go out and buy them myself. There are plenty of things that I want, but don't necessarily need. These things I usually learn to do without. Why would I want something that I don't actually need to have for Christmas.

It seems that procrastination is indeed an art form at which I excel.