Show me the vodka

January 11th. 00:45. Saturday.

Getting to be a habit that I end up writing an entry in the early hours, when I should be getting some sleep. Also getting to be a habit that I leave work late due to something happening.

To be honest, if stuff is just 'happening' then it means that I'm not managing it properly. Little victories today in some of the conversations I have had with people. Getting them to see that when we have meetings together, it's not helping anyone to sit there going on about all the things that we think are shit, or anger us. Just depresses other people and doesn't make anyone feel any better what so ever.

Little victory with one of the people that I struggle to get engagement out of. Just struggles to take on board things that I've shown them or things that they need to do. This sometimes causes friction, and with someone that doest a very good job of coming across like they are fighting what you are doing or saying this very quickly gets very hard in deed. Some people can be so good at presenting the aura of 'leave me the fuck alone', or 'I don't want help' that people actually stop trying to help them. Fortunately, or unfortunately I don't give up on them. No matter how hard this can be, for both of us.

They may be too stubborn to accept or ask for help. I'm too stubborn to let them struggle along without it.

Cheeky little writing lunch-break.

Keen to take my own advice, and get out the keyboard on my lunch break... so here I am. Sitting at a table in the call centre, tapping away on my Apple keyboard. 

Despite not feeling 100%, as asked by my boss I defined myself as 'not well enough to return to work, but not ill enough to be at home'. I've felt hot and a bit wobbly today, but I have been sensible and not walked around a lot, and pretty much stayed static, although I have been getting up from time to time as if I sit still for too long my back seizes up and it's a real pain to get back up again. 

Ever taken your car for an MOT and the garage tell you, that rather than just fixing a problem with a rear break light, they actually need to sort out the steering block, fix the wheel trim, mend the suspension and work on the rust on the chassis ? No ? Well nor have I, as I don't drive so don't have a car. I feel like a car that's gone in for a rather pointless service only to discover that I'm pretty much unroadworthy. 

Still could always be much, much worse. I keep remembering the sad news about the person that died at a train station near me yesterday. There's always someone worse off than you, my Mum used to say. I'm sure she did at some point. 

It does seem however that being the caring sharing kind person that I am, I have shared this virus, (or whatever it is) around a bit, and a couple of the people I work with seem to have something very, very, similar. 

I am still quite chuffed though, quietly confident in fact that I am getting lots of things done, and preparing to make sure that the office doesn't fall completely apart whilst I'm on holiday (as I am for the rest of the week). After all, they managed to not go out of business last week when I was off sick, so as nice as it is to feel wanted, or needed, the reality is they don't shut up shop when I'm not around. 

There's only really one person that 'needs' me that much, and that's my daughter, she will hardly appreciate it saying on my gravestone that I 'answered all emails promptly, and improved team performance' when what I'm sure she would prefer would be that I was alive and well to be with her, and watch her grow up into the fantastic person I am sure she will be. I'd hate to miss it too, not that I'd notice, what with being dead and all. 

Work is after all just the thing you do to get you the money to allow you to do the things that you want to do. If you can enjoy it, if what you do to earn money is something you really like doing, well, then you're a really, really lucky person. Most of us don't. Oh, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate my job, but I wouldn't say I leap out of bed with enthusiasm every morning. I certainly can't at the moment, being so tired this morning as to need 4 alarms and three phone calls from my Mother to get my out of my pit, and the pain in my back certainly excluding any leaping.