Sunday, 20 February 2011

Suppose I just stopped making it more complicated than it is ?

Ok, so the M27 first workshop session was a rather big part of last week. I'm sure I'll get to talking about that later. Maybe before the second M27 workshop.

For me there was another big thing about last week. That was me buying a valentines card and a single red rose for someone. Not something I'd done for quite some considerable time.

Without wishing to sound like a pathetic teenager, here's how the story goes.....

This person, whom I had noticed quite some time ago, before moving to work in that area, and thought was.... Very nice.... Is someone I had somehow managed to build up some banter with, remarking often on how nice she looks and laughing and joking with her. If I'd have really stopped and thought that I might think more of her then I would been paralysed by my usual inability to speak to women. I make the Indian guy off 'The Big Bang Theory' look like an inveritable Casanova. Anyhoo. I had most definitely not even dreamed that she thought of me as anything other than 'that weird old guy with all the cheesy jokes and the very gay t-shirts'.

This changed when I partially overheard a conversation she was having with another person at work. Trying desperately not to let paranoia or wishful thinking cloud my judgement, I tried to put that 'observation' out of my mind. (Is it still an observation if it's something you hear, rather than see ?).

Anyhoo. I was determined not to let my imagination run away with itself and leave my common sense shivering in the dark all by itself. The 'other' person at work, who for the sake of communication we'll call Sarah, wouldn't tell me what was said, but did 'subtly' ask me questions about what I thought of the person she had been talking to.

I pretty much told her that she was being completely ridiculous.

So when February 14th came by, although I was expecting the usual zero interest, I had secretly hoped that on my desk when I came in that day would be a card, or something.

Needless to say, my desk was empty when I arrived at work that day. It would not be wrong to say that I was a little saddened.

Sarah, made a remark in the morning about how said person was sad not to find anything on her desk.

Now as it happened, I needed to nip to Tesco at lunchtime, as a member of our team was going on maternity leave, and I hadn't arranged for her to get a present or card. Off to Tesco I went. Feeling a bit the idiot, but at least taking comfort I wasn't one of those boyfriends or husbands who were circling the flowers and gifts areas displaying all the fear of someone about to be sentenced to death.

So I 'secretly' placed the card and red rose on her desk, while she was at lunch. I've given the quotation marks to secretly because someone in my team saw me do it, and made a very big deal of it.

When she (the recipient of the flower and card, not the one that can't keep a secret) came back from lunch, I held my breath while she noticed them, heard her someone ask her about them and her say 'yes, but they're not from my boyfriend' (oooops). Look on the bright side I thought. She wasn't crying. Or laughing. Laughing would also have not been good.

So here I am. Now nearly a week on, and just realising I have now put myself in limbo-land. I can't do anything else. It would be wrong of me to do so as she's got a boyfriend. One who works in the same place no less. A couple of people have asked me if I did it as a joke, or if I was being serious. I have skirted (if you pardon the pun) round the issue without answering - which surely people must see is in itself an admission that it's not a joke ?

What's a bloke to do ?

At the same time (ok, not at exactly the same time - but the same day) I get an e-valentines from someone who has been round a couple of times, and I've been too scared to go on a proper date with. I fear I have, despite intentions for the opposite created a situation where I can only end up hurting their feelings. I seem to manage this wherever I go.

Again. What's a boy to do ?
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

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