Saturday, and the sun is out. What a lovely day it is. Ah...
Oh bollocks, return to work next week, which is the day after tomorrow,
and just like the film by the same name, it gives a feeling of impending
doom and misery and doom, and hardship, and doom.. did I mention the
doom ?
I guess we all have to earn a living somehow, and most people find that
tiresome, right ? It's not that I'd want to not have to work, it's more
that, well, I just want it to not be so....boring. Something
fundamentally soul destroying about it. Love the people. Well, most of
them. Ok. Some of them.
If you don't like where you live, and you work somewhere you're not
happy so that you can afford to live somewhere you're not happy...
well.... what's the point of that then ? Life being too short and all
that.
It's nearly the end of January. Yeah 2010. The year it all happens, and
somehow, without me noticing, 8.33 % of it is already gone !
Having left the TV on, after watching some Will & Grace, I'm too lazy to
turn off or over from 'Canada's Next Top Model'. (1st of all, sorry Rob,
but who cares about who the next top model is, let alone one in Canada).
There's all these scrawny wannabes, complaining about their 'anxiety
disorders'. Is it is disorder that you get nervous in unfamiliar
situations or places ? Wow. Never knew that before. I get absolutely
terrified when I go somewhere new, meet people I don't know that well.
But bizarrely, I'd never think of describing that as some sort of
disorder. It's not a medical thing, surely, it's just a quirk of my
personality, and my confidence (or lack of) in certain situations.
I bet they spent ages with Doctors, or psychologists, getting 'help' for
their 'problem'. Can you medicate confidence ?
Also, if you know that these things are hard for you, why would you
decide that modelling is the career for you ? I mean, great stuff, if
they are 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway' but, if that was the
case, why would you announce to everyone that's what you think, it's
like your making yourself an excuse. Which also tells another thing. If
you're telling everyone else 'I've got this problem..' is the unsaid
dialogue, '..so you should only expect crap' ? If you're saying that to
someone else.. what are you telling yourself ? Makes me feel sorry for
them actually, because it shows how painfully insecure they all are.
Irony is, of course, that perhaps they are too young to have realised
yet, that we are all painfully insecure, it's just that some people hide
it better than others. Some people are just better bullshitters.
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