Thursday, 22 March 2012

Many are stronger

I'm reading 'The Happy Depressive' by Alastair Campbell on my Kindle at the moment (I'd started reading 'A Tale of Two Cities' but gave up). I have to say, that although Mr Campbell and I aren't exactly on the same page politically, something that I know will cut him to the core, I am really enjoying the book. 

I am finding it enlightening to read someone who works (or worked) in such a high pressured, high paced environment talk openly about his depression, and how he has learned to deal with it.

I had a similar reaction to a TV program that the wonderful Stephen Fry did a few years ago,  'The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive'.

I don't know that I would be quick to use the labelling, of depressive. (Sounds rather, er.. depressing doesn't it ?), but I have certainly been through a rather stressful time from the last month of 2011 onwards. I am much better now, there are some things that are no longer hanging over me. I had a very terrible time of it around Christmas and New Year, and things came to a head toward the middle of February.

I've felt that the big 'start of a new year' thing that I was so looking forward to, thinking that 2011 had been pretty much of a crap year, never really happened for me. From feeling that my life was on hold, and my future utterly in the hands of others, I am now left feeling directionless and uninspired in relation to my professional future.

What I've been through has really made me take stock, again, about what sort of person I am, and what sort of things I am cut out to do or be. There is no point trying to fit a square peg into a round hole now is there ?

As my feelings and understanding of myself and the environment around me evolves, things may change, but right now, I feeling rather let down by those that make a virtue of telling me that they have my best interests at heart, and that they are looking after me. They're not. They haven't, and they continue to provide fresh reasons to distrust them.

Like everything, any relationship has its time. It starts, it blossoms, and it grows, and in time, it fades away and withers. There's no point trying to get a dead plant to grow, no amount of watering and soft talking is going to produce green shoots.

People are funny things aren't they?  I only meant to write a line or two, while I waited for another video to upload. Instead I've managed to poor out a page of heartfelt (although rather vague), comma and parentheses  laden text. Semicolon close bracket.

No comments:

Post a Comment