Monday, 30 September 2013

Emotional Cycle

Monday 30th September 2013. 23:15

After a late night - despite going to bed reasonably early, I just didn't get to the sleeping thing. I quite surprised myself by getting up just after 7am and making a commitment to cycle to work.

I was rather chuffed with the fact that despite leaving the flat about 7:40 I arrived on site at work at 8:03. That's come quick journey considering I haven't cycled that far in years.

This was also a good thing in that the energy enlivened me for the day ahead, even with the problems and dramas of the previous week. I have felt back in control. The little wobble or concern of last week has been covered, contained and dealt with efficiently and quietly. No major investigations needed. I just paused and asked a couple of people for their help and opinion in what was going on, and what they were feeling.

A year ago, I wouldn't have had the confidence or self assurance to be able to do that. I also wouldn't have been able to count on the support of my boss.

I spoke to her about it today, and she clearly said that she has no response to give me that indicates that there is anything going wrong or headed in the wrong direction in how I am dealing with things. That I am doing things well, and the right way, and that I should continue to be in control of what's happening in my team.

Sometimes, some people just have the need to bitch and moan. Sometimes, the need of me, as their manager, is to reel that in, and to put a lid on it. There's no value whatsoever in sitting down and bitching all the time. It may have a limited form of comfort, but it does fuck all to drive you toward any solution at all.

The quickly passing year made its mark as I cycled home tonight, having left work an hour and a half late, it was getting dark. Thankfully most of my route home is cyclepath, so I was at least safe. First thing after arriving though, I did (after feeding the cats, so okay - second thing) was to fit the lights to my bike.

I also didn't have time to have any breakfast this morning, and hung on till lunch. A lonely lunch without Kat, who I usually go to lunch with, as she's on holiday. I wasn't tempted to splurge out though on something involving chips. I was good. The goodness continued once the lights were on the bike. I didn't feel the need to have a meal, or to snack. I had a couple of Muller Corners.

Maybe I've turned a corner eh ? I'd really like to get my weight back under 15 stone again. I hate feeling this bloated and really notice the size difference in the clothes that I wear.

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