Sunday, 22 June 2014

A little wandering does you good....

Sunday June 22nd. 2014. 20:35

Determined to make something of the summer sun, (now that it is officially summer) I have been out for a good ole walk today along to the top of the harbour, by Port Solent.

There I say, and ate some lunch, and read my kindle. Basking in the sunshine, and nearly dozing off like some old codger.

It's been a daughter free weekend, ever since we agreed that she would only see me once every other week I've been at a loss to make decent use of the extra me time that's given me. Me time is always something I've struggled to do something useful with. Normally, I'd either spend it in front of the Television, laptop or asleep.

The last time it happened, it was actually unplanned. My darling daughter decided that as I had pointed out to her that the following weekend was not only my birthday weekend but also Fathers' day that it wasn't worth coming up the weekend before. (Just too much effort I guess). I think the phrase she actually used to casually dismiss me by text message on the morning she was meant to come up was 'I want to come up, but... I'm coming up next week... so don't see why I should'. Made me feel great that one.

Don't worry Chloe, I want to get you an iphone for your birthday, but I don't see why I should.

Anyhow. That weekend, I'd commented on facebook about being stood up by my daughter and one of my friends Kat then got in contact and asked if I would join her and some other friends (people we both know from where I work) as they were going down Southsea. My usual crippling 'can't say yes to going out and enjoying yourself' reared its ugly head, but I made a point of stamping my feet and overriding the inner 'no' monster.

I went out with Kat, and Mark and Katie, and we also met up with another person we all know from work, Gabi. We had a great time, playing crazy golf (when I say playing.. I mean.. losing), and well, walking up and down the beach, enjoying the sunshine.. counting how many people form work we could spot. The others also went of fair ground rides. I stood and watched the bags, and read while they looked like they were enjoying themselves. I am sure that had I taken part as well they wouldn't have enjoyed quite so much me vomiting over them or losing control of other bodily functions.

Fairground rides are a no-go area for me. Dodgem cars are about my limit. We had a nice afternoon, and rounded the day off at Katie's flat, at which we stated till late evening.

I seem a bit old to be 'hanging out' with friends and going down the funfair, but I don't care. We all had a great time.

I have quietly skipped my birthday, which was last Friday. It was really good, went to the pub with some friends from work, and ended up at mine, after stopping to Tesco for some pizza. I seem to be a lot more social than I ever used to be before. I think I might actually crack this going out and having fun lark by the time I retire, or can't walk.

Still I hear these mobility scooters are really good these days.

Anyway. This weekend, I got up late on Saturday, which meant I broke my promise to go and help Lee move out of the room he was staying in. Thankfully he wasn't depending on only me to help him. Bad person that I am. Sucky friend.

I went for a nice walk yesterday into Hilsea Lines, and onto a park at the back of Anchorage Park. There I sat for a couple of hours, taking in the rays of the sun, and... well reading and having something to eat.

In the evening I was doing some overtime, manning the lines to help inform people that have a powercut. Six hours that doesn't really feel like work, because it's so different from what I normally do.

Then today, I shamefully got up around ten thirty.. and bummed around before deciding enough was enough. After putting out a first run of washing, putting the next lot in the machine, I grabbed my bag and headed off into the sun. Coming home about seven o'clock means I'm sitting here after vacuuming the flat, and washing the kitchen and ensuite floors in my camping chair enjoying a wind-down ice cold vodka.

Hardly rock and roll, but it's still better than sitting indoors all frigging weekend watching TV or playing Second Life, or endlessly looking for something interesting to read on either Facebook, BBC News, The Independant or The Guardian. (At least you can see I get my non newsworthy non-facts from a variety of sources).

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Something...... NOTHING

Wednesday June 4th. 23:56.

Just over a week until my birthday, and the world is not really seeming to recognise the fact in any way shape or form. There's no celebration or comment planned. No big event upon which a succession of world leaders will find themselves forced to make increasingly implausible statements.

Who am I kidding ? World leaders ? It's not like I died or something.

Not yet anyway, you never know I guess.

After all, that is the other side to the congratulations you receive from people,  'Happy Birthday !!' they say. Well, the alternative to me getting another year older is that I stop breathing and die, so if you don't mind, I wasn't hanging out for your congratulations. I was just trying not to be dead yet.

Here's the thing. Since my last entry I have done a grand total of zero writing, editing or indeed creating of any medium. (if you exclude this blog entry of course). The most exciting thing I've done all week has been to write about thirteen letters to customers at work, and play a little with the spreadsheet the team uses to look at their performance.

I made colourful graphs.

You've heard of death by powerpoint ? Well, this is crucifixion by excel.

It would seem that my daughter having cunningly miscalculated the timing of both my birthday and Father's day may not even be seeing me that weekend. I have to say that I struggle to adapt to this change in the frequency of our visits. As much as it may appear to be a gift that I get a whole other day each weekend to do things as I please, I'm not really happy with the price I am paying, or enjoying them that much.

More (free) time does not actually translate into more pleasure. It is not exactly as if I am doing something useful with that extra time. Normally just fucking around on facebook, or wasting time on Secondlife.

Not that it's been a really concious decision lately, but I have found that I'm not tempted to descend into the pixelated fantasy during the week. I'm usually just so frigging tired and worn out from the day at work that the last thing I want to do is switch on a computer or to read something where I'm having to do some thing.

I am quite happy to turn on the idiot box, and to sit there with my brain dribbling out my ear holes. Too many reasons not to do anything, too many distractions. Too easy to find something else I can do.

Work at the moment is, I would say, something that I tolerate. It isn't something I feel really great about, or good with. It's just something I have to do to get money to afford to live. There's a clock ticking at the back of my head that tells me it is only a matter of time before I hate it, and resent it. I feel like it's killing my soul, getting in the way of my life and sapping me of any energy to enjoy things. It's not part of the solution, it is the fucking problem.

I would suspect in that respect I am not in any way shape or form alone. There's always someone worse of than you are. I have plenty to be thankful for. I have my health, it's not as if I am struggling to make ends meet.

In other 'news', the supposed release of a new iPhone on June 2nd was a washout. There was a multitude of announcements from Apple on their WWDC (Worldwide Developer's Conference), about system enhancements and updates to software, but nothing as exciting as a new device for the Apple fans to get frothing at the mouth over.